In which I pick up writing again. For the millionth time. I've missed you.

I wrote the words below about a year and a half ago. I hate my sporadic writing, and I always want to come back so strong and steady, but this is just me. Life gets crazy, and time flies by. Before you know it, it's been a year since you did the thing you meant to do. And then 2 years. I don't want to be that person....but I also don't want to be so unforgiving to myself. To hold myself to such high standards that I feel like I am failing all the time.

These words I wrote are still my exact sentiment and vision for my blog and any other writing I will do. I am tired of the wars amongst women. I am tired of always trying to figure out where I fit, and more often finding where I do not. I am tired of the lines drawn in the sand and the inability to relate to one another if our life's circumstances are not identical. As laid out in her life-altering (for me) book by my girl Sheryl Sandberg, it is indeed time for all of us to "lean in" and take a seat at the table. But while Sheryl speaks more to professional life, I would take that a step further and apply it to whole, full living. I want to lean in at home, at church, in the community, and yes, at work. I want a seat at the table not just to talk business (although I want that, too), but also to talk theology, and parenting, and social justice. More on leaning in later, cuz I love it. And now it's kind of an awesome catch phrase.

I stopped blogging last year because I got pregnant. Obviously one could blog while pregnant, but for me, the whole year felt so.....taken over by pregnancy, baby, and new mommyhood. It is so easy to just lose yourself in it. In a good way, and also in a bad way. I had no idea. What was the best year of my life was also a little like a time-warp, and I feel like I was not actively participating in much other than Googling "exactly what day will my baby bump start to show," and "top 100 things that could possibly go wrong in pregnancy, childbirth, and life in general."

I want to be back now; I want to be an active participant in my life. I don't want to put everything on hold until my kids are in kindergarten (and moms of kindergarteners everywhere are laughing at me now, poor fool that I am to think that life might slow down at that point). I want to exist strongly and not just tread water. (Which is totally what I feel like I am doing in case you got the idea from this post that I somehow have it together, haha!) I do not want to miss out on anything, I do not want it all to pass in a blur of late nights and poopy diapers. I want to cherish every moment of my son's life, but also mine. I want to live in my purpose. I'll be the big 3-0 this year, and I do not want to waste time not being who I am meant to be.

Without further ado.....below are the words I wrote before that still ring true to me today. I love this Proverbs woman. Sometimes I think my blog name is too churchy or will be a turnoff to some. But that is also why I want to keep it. To break down that stereotype of what "Biblical womanhood" really means. I look forward to being back and pray nothing hinders me (including my own lack of discipline) from writing this year with focus and purpose.


So.....it's been a while, yeah? Almost one year, to be exact.

I've been mulling over what I want to write for a while now. Almost one year, to be exact...

I've been thinking and reading other blogs, and considering what I want to be writing about. I've been thinking about my passion, and my education, and my goals. I've been thinking about where I go from here. In my life, not just my blog.

I love domestic things. I love reading blogs about couponing, and creating home management binders, and saving money, and sticking to a cleaning schedule, and cooking things.

I also love working, and feminism, and social justice, and discussions about poverty and politics and health and psychology.

And I really love theology and talking about who Jesus was and is, and how He operates. I love the controversial conversation that's happening in regard to the American church and Western Christianity.

And......good luck finding all of those things in one place. Which is ok, except for the fact that they all seem to be SO separated from each other! I can find a jillion blogs on home management. And I LOVE them. But a lot of times we don't speak the same language. I don't have kids, I'm not a homeschooler, I work full time, and I don't have nearly enough time to clean my house. And I can find great blogs on feminism and religion and theology and social justice. But I also want to talk about baking and organizing and I don't want to skip over those things. So, yeah, I get it....all blogs and books and articles can't be about all things and all interests.

BUT.

How about when all those genres aren't really respecting each other? What about when you have to choose between domesticity and theology? That's pretty uncool.

So, I guess this is my space to blend my  interests. Because I get it- I get both "sides," of things.....I just don't like that there are sides. I'd rather have some solidarity.

I thought about changing the name of my blog, but I love it. I think our Proverbs 31 gal does blend a whole lot of things together- Jesus, feminism, business, working moms, domesticity, organization, money management. I like that about her. So I think she can stay. :) 

Elizabeth Bennett and the Virtuous Woman {Proverbs 31:10}

There's that scene in Pride and Prejudice where Lizzy, Darcy, and the Bingley siblings are in the drawing room talking about what things would qualify a woman as being "accomplished." I love it, because after the (ridiculous) list of attributes is finished, Lizzy says to Mr. Darcy, "I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any."

This is how I feel after reading the Proverbs 31 list of virtuous attributes! Indeed, her price, value, worth, scarcity, would be far above rubies. I rather wonder now at my knowing any.

So, as we dig into these women of the Bible that define the modern day pursuit of "Biblical Womanhood," we may as well begin by defining the word that is so highly expected of us.

Virtuous- conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright

 

So.....a "goody-two shoes?" (Whatever that actually means...it's kind of a weird phrase.) Someone who is the "right" kind of girl, or a "good girl?"

 

Does it mean someone who never does anything bad, or pretty much has this good, Christian girl thing down pat? Someone who paints tables and is well versed in reading and writing? (The accomplished woman from Jane Austen's novels?)

 

My knee jerk reaction is to conjure up images of the sweetest little pastor's wife you ever did see when I think of the words "moral" and "upright."

 

But when really meditating on what would make someone moral and ethical, I think more along the lines of ethics in business, good politics, poverty alleviation, and awareness of the exploitation of vulnerable groups. I think of ways that I believe Christians should conduct themselves. I don't know about you, but for me that means having good character. It means doing what you say you will do, and not trying to "pull one over" or "step on" anybody to get ahead. It means business deals being on the up and up. It means blowing the whistle if you see corruption in your work place. It means not tolerating the exploitation of workers at home or abroad, where it is in your power to do something. It means being trustworthy. It means striving to be a Christian who doesn't make people want to vomit because of your general hypocrisy. It means being transparent. It means being a person that reflects the attractiveness of Jesus.

 

And this can be hard work. Because people know when other people are being real. Are you morally upright, or do you act that way on Sunday morning? Are you open about your struggles and your victories, or are you striving to be seen as the "good church girl," or as "wife material?" Are you living it or acting it?

 

What are the things in your life that you believe would qualify you as being a virtuous woman? Is it how often you attend church? Is it how busy you are "for God?" Or is it deeper than that?

 

Honestly, it is super easy to become a good church person. It becomes routine. You (and I) become lazy. Are we doing a bunch of bad things? Nah. Am I generally a moral person? Yes, I would say so. But am I daily striving to become a woman of virtue? Well.....occasionally. But mostly I rely on the fact that I am not doing bad or socially unacceptable things. I am fairly emotionally healthy, I go to work, I do a good job there, I don't steal, I don't do drugs or drink excessively. I have never killed anyone. You know, basic "my good outweighs my bad" type stuff.

 

However, we know that we are called to more. God calls all of our self-achieved righteousness "filthy rags!" So, that morally good rut that we are in all too often.....well, it has to go.

 

The virtue of Jesus was counter-cultural. It was radical and based in grace. It was not the things He did, but Who He was. That's what we need, too. We not only need to be covered in His righteousness, but to also examine the lives we live. Is it the day in, day out, churchy routine? Or are we radically changing our lives and actions to align with the virtues and principles that Jesus taught? Things like caring for the sick and poor and weak? Things like giving and alleviating and bringing hope?

 

This virtue calls for us to lay down our lives--our comfortable, church-going, seemingly good and morally upright lives--and then take it further, examining what we think and believe and asking, "Is this virtuous? Is this moral and ethical? Is this excellent and upright?"

 

Truly virtuous people are rare. Their price is far above rubies. I rather wonder now at my knowing any.

 

I am striving to be more aware of real virtue in my life. It has little to do with whether or not I am a good homemaker, or a good cook. I do not need to be great "wife material," for many are called to singleness. I do not need to be incredibly resourceful, or talented. Yes, God gives many of these things as gifts, but they do not create virtue. Virtue is so much more. It is living what you say you believe about who Jesus is. It is going against the grain and really living out your faith. It is choosing the ethical thing even when it is not the popular thing. It is hard work. It is sacrifice. And it has great value. 



Meeting the Proverbs 31 Woman: {and her bad reputation}

So, this blog is called The Modern Girl's Guide to Proverbs 31. Here's a little bit about why I chose the name.

I was raised with a certain standard for women. Actually, more like a box. A box that women could never step outside of. I remember doing a career choice research paper for English in my Christian school- you picked a certain career path and wrote about how to get there, what the work would be like, etc. I chose to write about becoming a journalist. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but writing appealed to me. I clearly remember being stared at incredulously when I handed in my topic. My teacher/principal/pastor of the church said to me, "A journalist? Well, just until you become a wife and a mother, right?" You see, there were only a few viable life choices for women: wife (preferably a pastor's wife), mother, or (if God were to go buck wild and call you to be in the workplace, or by some unfortunate accident He never sent you The One), a Christian schoolteacher or church secretary. This message was reinforced when I went to Bible college, where the only majors for women were Religious Education and Secretarial Science. (And possibly music of some sort? But not leading worship, of course...)

In all of these pursuits, there was one goal: Biblical Womanhood. Of which, the dear Proverbs 31 Woman was the gold standard. This lovely woman cooked everything from scratch so that hubs had a hot meal when he came in from working hard as a pastor all day. She raised and homeschooled six children, and she served by teaching Sunday School in their local synagogue. She hosted ladies' Bible study every Wednesday morning at her house. She dressed modestly and sang in the choir......right?

Except she didn't.

She, um......worked. Like a lot.

The day I read her story for myself and really realized that she was not what I had been told, I felt as though she and I had a little secret. From then on, when this ideal for women was presented in such a pious way through Proverbs, I chuckled to myself. Little did they know- this woman was investing in property! She had hired help with those kids! She and I had an inside joke. We were outside of the box.
I don't bring this up to bash churches, or stay at home moms, or homeschooling. (To be fair, the church I grew up in didn't even believe in homeschooling, a rarity among hyper-conservative churches. They believed in everyone's children attending their school for reasons I won't bother getting into today.) So if you are someone who stays at home or believes in homeschooling, I have no intention of offending. I'm not even saying it's outside of the realm of possibility for my life. I can think of a variety of circumstances that could lead me in that direction.

BUT....

When you are presented with those things as the absolute only option for your life...that's not ok! When you are taught to believe that this is all that GOD has laid out for women, in general, in His Word and that any deviation from that would lead you outside of His will...that's destructive. (And that's the nicest way I can put it. It's more than destructive, actually. It's abusive.)

So, back to our Proverbs 31 lady....she gets a bad rap. I mean, she is actually very cool. It's not fair that she is held up to women and used to create a standard of "Biblical womanhood." She didn't ask for that. A lot of women just hear the words "Proverbs 31 woman," and want to run for cover, because they know where that conversation is headed. Straight down the path of "here is what you should be." So, the name of my blog is probably off-putting to many, because they assume they know what it will be about. That's how I would feel.

I'd like to try to change her reputation a little bit. I'd like to write about her in a way that makes you realize we might actually like her. She is even a pretty decent role model, if you're looking for one.

Oh, and one more thing? She not real. Yep, that's right. Don't forget that Proverbs 31 was a hypothetical woman written by another woman....a mother, to be more accurate. A mother who was giving her son a breakdown of what makes an ideal wife. So while I am not downplaying the importance of this being included in Scripture.....do you know a lot of women who live up to a laundry list of ideals laid out by their mother in law? Chew on that for a little while. I like what the woman has to say, but.....I'm just sayin'. :) It's worth considering.

I'm going to talk a lot more about her, along with a lot of other great ladies in the Bible. I'm not going to focus on just the ones that are typically used to create a box for women in churches (the Proverbs 31 woman, Mary the Mother of Christ, or 1 Peter 3 where we call our husbands "lord"). I'm not going to focus on the ones that are typically used to break us out of that mold, either (Deborah, Miriam, Anna the prophetess). Instead, I like the approach of looking at the Bible as a whole, and appreciating that there are all kinds of women. We have unfortunately turned being Christian and female into this monumental thing of achieving the highest standard. What if there are no "sides" and we're totally missing the point? So I don't want to pick and choose the women that back up my arguments for how I think women should be. There are so many varieties of women in my own life, I could never just pick one, and say, "There- her. That is what God wants women to be." And I don't know any woman who would welcome that kind of pressure! So why do we do that with the women whose stories are laid out in Scripture? As far as I can tell, there was only one Gold Standard in the Bible, and He tended to blow the culture's expectations wide open. So....I think I want to be a woman just like Him. Not some other woman that was just doing her best and would be mortified that her life has been used for millennia to beat up other women.

It's going to get controversial, because it always does when you talk about gender. That's not limited to Christianity by any means. But I'm good with that. I can't wait to dive in to our gold standard women and talk about how awesome they are....just not awesome enough to worship.

What are your initial thoughts? Do we worship certain women in the Bible? Do some of them make us nervous because they are a little out-of-pocket?

back to the land of blogging {in which I take a new direction}

So.....it's been a while, yeah? Almost one year, to be exact.

I've been mulling over what I want to write for a while now. Almost one year, to be exact...

I've been thinking and reading other blogs, and considering what I want to be writing about. I've been thinking about my passion, and my education, and my goals. I've been thinking about where I go from here. In my life, not just my blog.

I love domestic things. I love reading blogs about couponing, and creating home management binders, and saving money, and sticking to a cleaning schedule, and cooking things.

I also love working, and feminism, and social justice, and discussions about poverty and politics and health and psychology.

And I really love theology and talking about who Jesus was and is, and how He operates. I love the controversial conversation that's happening in regard to the American church and Western Christianity.

And......good luck finding all of those things in one place. Which is ok, except for the fact that they all seem to be SO separated from each other! I can find a jillion blogs on home management. And I LOVE them. But a lot of times we don't speak the same language. I don't have kids, I'm not a homeschooler, I work full time, and I don't have nearly enough time to clean my house. And I can find great blogs on feminism and religion and theology and social justice. But I also want to talk about baking and organizing and I don't want to skip over those things. So, yeah, I get it....all blogs and books and articles can't be about all things and all interests.

BUT.

How about when all those genres aren't really respecting each other? What about when you have to choose between domesticity and theology? That's pretty uncool.

So, I guess this is my space to blend my  interests. Because I get it- I get both "sides," of things.....I just don't like that there are sides. I'd rather have some solidarity.

I thought about changing the name of my blog, but I love it. I think our Proverbs 31 gal does blend a whole lot of things together- Jesus, feminism, business, working moms, domesticity, organization, money management. I like that about her. So I think she can stay. :) 

The Working Girl's Guide, Week # 1: Cut Yourself Some Slack!

Sound familiar, anyone? 

Welcome to Week #1 of The Working Girl's Guide to Proverbs 31! My hope is that this series will be a motivation to you as a woman in the workforce who values her home life. Since I am the one writing, you'll hear a lot from my perspective: newly married, working full time, no kids. I am very aware that every situation is different! I also know that adding children to the mix of working and homemaking is a whole new ballgame- I have tons of respect for you ladies "doing it all,"  and I hope you share your comments and perspectives with the rest of us! So, this is just me, sharing what I know and have learned about working while trying my hardest to keep up with the domestic side of life. I hope there is something written today that encourages someone else! Without further ado....

Cut yourself some slack! 

 

The cartoon above says it all! I really feel that way a lot of the time. I either get cranky that so much is expected of me (from whom, I am not sure), or down on myself that I'm not doing better. When my kitchen is dirty, and there is laundry all over the floor of my bedroom, and I just don't feel like cooking dinner because I have had a long day- I judge myself as a woman. I measure myself by my own unrealistic standard (usually the standard in that cartoon!). And I come up short. Every. Single. Time. Ever feel this way? 

#1- Homemaking is important. 

I believe in making your home a priority. When I say to cut yourself some slack, I don't mean that it's ok to just not care about your home because you are busy with other things. I think that being a keeper of the home is a calling for women, regardless of where you spend  40 hours a week. I know that may sound old-fashioned to some people, but it's what I think. Homemaking skills are not something magically acquired when you become a wife. In fact, the priority of homemaking is not just for wives and mothers! It's also for the younger girls, the single girls, the college dorm girls, and every other stage of life. Maybe you don't feel this way, that keeping your home is a calling. Maybe you're just here for some tips or a quick read- that's ok, too. But from my heart I want to share with you that as women, we set the tone for our home. Our space and the way we keep it is a reflection of us. We have a choice to build it up with care, attention, and skill, or to tear it down with negligence and apathy. So what's a girl to do when she doesn't stay at home all day? It's easy not to care sometimes. But if you are looking to find balance, I hope we can learn together for the next few weeks!

 

#2- What's out there for us?

If you're like me (and you just might be,  since you found this blog), you know that most homemaking blogs out there, awesome as they are, are geared toward the stay at home mom. Which is great, unless you don't stay home. Or you're not a mom. I can't tell you how many countless recipes and tips and inspiring articles I've read on some really great sites. But I'd love to see how to balance some of those great ideas with a full time job. My blog is named The Modern Girl's Guide to Proverbs 31 because I seriously love that woman. She is the epitome of balancing a family, a household staff, cooking, creating, selling, sewing, and child rearing. She also runs more than one business! I love that! I wish she had a blog. :) I will have to just keep reading her chapter. But why am I bringing up the lack of blog reading for working ladies? Because.....

 

#3- Comparison is the thief of joy.

The cartoon exaggerates about the ideal that a woman should live up to. But don't we do that to ourselves? We compare ourselves to what's out there, instead of realizing that our situation is different. For example, I love reading all the wonderful blogs out there about cooking from scratch with whole foods, and gardening, and home decorating, and cleaning, and crafting, and being a keeper of your home. However, I started really getting down about all that I didn't do. I eat bread from the grocery store. My floor is not always very clean. I want to organize and decorate more often, but my evenings are cut short by my husband's and my work schedules. I had to step back and realize that I am not a stay at home mother. I know that should be obvious, but I really have to remind myself that I am not the same as someone else. My life is not the same. Now I am not suggesting that stay at home wives or mothers have all the time in the world on their hands. Because right now, we're not even really talking about time; we're talking about priorities. And the women I was comparing myself to had made a choice to have their home be their full time priority. I have not. So what I need to learn is first to stop comparing apples and oranges, and then to focus on balance instead of perfection. Make sense?

 

So, ladies, don't hold yourself to some crazy standard. Stop comparing your home to another woman's home. This is your life. And whether you love your job and want to continue to work forever, or your goal is to be able to stay at home- cut yourself some slack today!

 

 

 

 

The Working Girl's Guide to Proverbs 31 {an introduction}

I am excited to introduce this five week series for those of us who are out there in the workforce everyday. (Ladies who are full time wives and moms, or those who work at home- keep reading on! You are welcome as well; we will be talking about lots of useful things that everyone can apply!) 

I believe that it is reflected in Scripture that our home, whatever that looks like, is to be our top priority as women. Sometimes making your home a priority means bringing in a second income. In this economy and culture, that is very often the case. Some people and groups of people believe very adamantly that the role of a woman/wife/mother is to be at home full time. That's ok, if you believe that. Or if you don't. Or even if you are somewhere in between!

I think God lays it on some hearts to be at home full time, and some to work any number of hours, for a variety of reasons. I also strongly believe that just because you are at home full time does not mean you are building up your home. And vice versa: just because you are at work does not mean you build your home or make it a priority any less! 

The truth is, homemaking is hard work. Period. 

Somewhere, you will make sacrifices. You might have to sacrifice that extra income to be at home full time. You might have to sacrifice your time in order to be at work all day. And if you can stay at home without struggling financially, you may have to sacrifice having your spouse around more because he is working a lot for that income! Still some could stay at home without struggling, but prefer to continue in their career- and that's fine, too! So you see, no one has the perfect, ideal situation with tons of time for work, cleaning, cooking, husbands, children, and themselves. Everyone is struggling somewhere with their role as a woman, or wife, or mother. The female role is forever being defined and redefined. 

This five part series is going to be geared toward organizing your home, managing your time, and forgiving yourself for the things that take a back burner. (And we will talk about which things should take a back burner!) I will be sharing time saving, stress-reducing ideas, and ways to get more done in less time. Oh, and I will be preaching to myself, and learning along with you- I'm definitely not an expert! 

Finally, during September, I am making a focused effort to promote The Modern Girl's Guide! My goal is to reach 100 followers, both here on the blog and on Facebook. At the end of the 5 weeks of Saturdays, I will be choosing a random winner for a special giveaway, whether the goal is reached or not! Prize, entry, and contest details to be announced! 

I am so glad to have you join me, and I hope you keep reading The Modern Girl's Guide for all things homemaking!

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 18 & 31

Proverbs 31:18- "She perceiveth that her merchandise is good; her candle goeth not out by night."
Proverbs 31:31- "Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." 

I believe this is about confidence.

Just a thought today....

What are you afraid of doing because people might not like it? I'm not talking about standing up for what's right, or something deep like that. I'm talking about being afraid of not getting approval. Of someone not thinking that something you like/made/worked on/created is awesome. 

This lady "perceives that her merchandise it good." It doesn't say, "She asked everybody if they thought her merchandise was good and then still didn't sell it at the market for a while because her mother-in-law hated it, but then finally decided to open a small booth, but still pretended to hate all of her work to fish for compliments." Come on, you know what I'm talking about.

We hesitate to show people "the work of our hands," as Proverbs 31 puts it. We tend to be critical of our creations. Often it's not because we truly feel critical of our works. On the contrary, we may be quite proud! But we like the bolstering of other people loving what we do or make or present. We are creating opportunities for others to say "No, really, it looks great! You are so creative! I wish I was just like you! I don't know how you do it!" You get the picture.

We need people to tell us we are fantastic. She didn't.

Wow.....this one is really hitting home with me, even as I type it! I'm even wondering if anyone will like this post! We downplay our gifts, thinking that if we just say, "Thank you, I think they turned out pretty well, too," that we are prideful. It's something we've been taught. Not to "lift ourselves up."

Newsflash: We still are!!!!! False modesty is just as bad as being a show off. I don't think we even intentionally do it. I think it is deeply ingrained in many Christians not to be proud of our work or accomplishments.

But, as always with God, it is about balance. We don't need to whip up the best possible crafts or cooking and then snottily show all the other ladies what you can do and they can't. (Isn't that what we feel like we're doing sometimes when we receive a compliment?) We also don't need to pretend that we don't think what we just made is pretty awesome/delicious/beautiful.

There is an in- between answer for this:

1. Giving God the glory and thanks for creating you with certain gifts and talents.
2. Recognizing the gifts and talents in others and building them up.
3. Being willing to use those gifts and talents for the work He calls you to. Because, after all, that is why you have them- not just to benefit yourself!

The Proverbs 31 Woman recognized her talent. She believed it would be profitable, and that others would find her work pleasing. She went right to work on it, making and selling her items. Simple as that.

She let her own works praise her. She did not lift herself up OR put herself down in order to receive praise. Also, simple as that.

Yikes. In what ways do you bring in your own praise? Or what things are you timid about showing people because they might not think it's very good? Can you accept either compliments or criticism about your work? Both can be really hard to do, while having a balanced attitude.

Some of it is in our speech. We have fall-back answers like, "I guess so; these cookies really aren't my favorite." "Well, I burned the first batch." "I'm still not happy with how this turned out." "Really? You're sure it's ok?" "I might just throw it away and start over." We are fishing. We want the responses of: "No, REALLY! I love it! Don't throw it out! It's so good! I like it! You are talented/beautiful/amazing/the best cook in the whole entire world!" (Is this stepping on anyone's toes but my own!?)

Let's change our speech. I'm not saying let's go to the other extreme, or to conjure up some super-spiritual answers like, "Oh, it's none of my own work, just the Lord working in me to create these meager cookies." :)
But let's have confidence in the abilities that God did give us, and be honest about our shortcomings. Try to add these to your speech:

"Thank you, I'd be happy to share the recipe. Maybe you could bring me your recipe for what you brought!"

"I had a lot of fun making this."

"I appreciate the compliment!"

Or, if what you created doesn't come up in conversation, guess what? You don't even need to bring it up! Don't bother with things like, "Is the meatloaf ok? I'm pretty sure I burned it." Just allow people the chance to be gracious to you if you did burn it, and complimentary (or *gasp*) indifferent, if you didn't.

This is a struggle for many of us, maybe not to the extreme, but in some aspect. There are people who do this so much, and who are so insecure that this drives us crazy. But we all have it at least a little bit. Maybe you even sound like you are balanced, but in your heart, you are really hoping that someone will recognize what you've done.

Let's take the lead from Proverbs and just be enthusiastic about our creativity and talent. Let's not put ourselves down, or lift ourselves up, or seek approval. Let's just get to work on whatever it is we are excited about. Your own works will praise you in the gates. And the truth is, even if your actual product isn't that good...no one can resist a balanced and enthusiastic attitude! Others enjoy someone who can receive compliments or criticism. And so your work will still praise you in the gate, even if it's not perfect! Isn't that a crazy thought? :)

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 14

Vs. 14- "She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar."

I watched a documentary last night called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead." ( I know you're wondering what that has to do with Proverbs 31!) Well, I've been thinking a lot about food, recipes, growing food, whole foods diets, and so on. This film talked about many interesting things that I won't get into right now. But one thing that stood out to me was a section where they talked about how convenient our food is. I don't just mean fast food. But in general, food is very easy to come by and prepare in our culture. They talked about how much healthier it was in older days to have to work for every meal. To have to hunt it, or grow it, or figure out how to store it. Not only did people eat more naturally this way, they also got a lot of physical activity while acquiring their food supply. We don't have to grow anything if we don't want to. We don't have to clean the game in order to have meat, or grind our own wheat for flour. If people do those things, it is usually by conscious choice, not necessity.

I wish I knew more about the culture and times of the Proverbs 31 woman. I hope to read more to discover some of the ways she lived! I connected that clip of the documentary with this verse in Proverbs. I wonder what food choices were available in her village. We see over and over again that this woman finds ways to provide her family with the best things. Did she have to get her food from far away? Or was that in an effort to have better eating choices for her family? Something tells me that not every homemaker in her village was going through the same trouble. I think this was a woman who stood out; maybe she did things a little differently! I wonder if there were ingredients that she wanted that she couldn't get down at the open market. I wonder if she waited for her shipments to come in so that she could stock up on the things she needed to make healthy and wholesome choices for her family's meals. I also secretly wonder if she would have loved the world of homemaker's blogs and exchanging healthy recipes! I know that sometimes online is where I find kindred spirits- other ladies devoted to their homemaking, and trying to feed their families healthier, more homegrown, and more organic foods. As I find an online community of other women all across North America, I wonder if she felt alone. Maybe even a little weird for choosing to go against the grain. Maybe everyone else was buying convenience foods down at the market, but she was down by the docks, waiting for her shipments to come in. Maybe- I don't know!

I think this verse, above all, speaks encouragement to those trying to do things a little bit differently. Maybe against what our culture deems "normal." It's old-fashioned to bake bread, to stay home with your children, to even utter the word "homemaking." Let her encourage your heart today that it is the best choice to go the extra mile for your family, no matter how big or small the act may be. It is always right to be wise in your decisions on how to feed, clothe, educate your children and organize your home. I don't believe that God specifically calls us as women to work, or to stay at home, or homeschool, or send our kids to school, or have a brood of children, or have one, or even to marry or stay single. I know some would disagree with me on this, and that's ok. I do know He calls us to be keepers of our homes- whether that is just you, or a dozen people! So make wise choices in your home. Gather your food from afar, whatever that may mean today in your life. Whatever it is you do that is best for you and your family, even if it's a little unconventional in our world- do it boldly!


Linking up at::::

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 20

Proverbs 31: 20 -"She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy."

I love this verse. I love that the Proverbs 31 woman makes the time to help others. I don’t ever want to be too busy for others. I struggle with that at times: working so hard on having my life just so, that I forget what it’s really about.

In her book, Beautiful in God’s Eyes, a study of the Proverbs 31 woman, Elizabeth George explains this verse so well. Although the verse seems redundant, it’s not. This author points to the different actions used here.

She stretches out (or extends) her hand- This is an action of giving: financially, from the variety of products that the Proverbs woman makes and sells, food, clothing, etc. She is reaching into her own pockets, to use the author’s wording, and extending her hand to fill a need of someone less fortunate than herself.

She reacheth forth her hands to the needy- She takes it a step further! This is the action of “getting her hands dirty.” She doesn’t give simply to be charitable or to do good deeds, but out of a genuine desire to serve and love. This action is one of doing, rather than giving. She visits the sick, she opens her home, she talks with the hurting. Here, she gives of herself, not just of her resources.

Isn’t it easy to do one and not the other? People like to do good in order to feel good. The Proverbs 31 woman does good because there is a need for good to be done. She takes the needs of others seriously. This is a woman who is a caregiver. We see this throughout her story- she minds the needs of her husband, her children, her maids, her self, her business connections, and her community. Her influence is far reaching. She gives from a genuine heart, and not from a desire to be lauded for her deeds. Her own works praise her, as the passage says, and she doesn’t need to make a show out of her charity.

Notice that she is keeping herself healthy and not stretching herself thin. Her careful planning and organization allow her to free up time to help the needy. She also starts at home and increases her circle of influence. First mentioned is her husband, then her family, then her household staff, then the poor, then herself. I don’t think this means that she always put herself last, or had unhealthy boundaries. I think it points to the simple joy that can be found in giving of yourself to others.

I am challenged by this passage to give out of love and obedience, and not for a show. To always check my heart’s motives. To make sure I’m not praising my own works- and that can come in many forms, including false modesty or humility! Do I desire to stretch out my hand and reach out my hands? Is it easier to look like I am giving more than I am?

And here’s the kicker: Do I organize my home and my life in order to look like I have it altogether, or for the purpose of freeing myself to be more available for the things God would have me do?

Creating a Home Management Binder- Part 1: Make it Beautiful & Functional!

I am a binder person. I love any excuse to categorize things into a well-categorized, pretty-colored notebook. Take my wedding, for example. You know what was more exciting to me than the ring, the proposal, or telling everyone the news? My elaborate, detailed Wedding Planning Binder, which of course matched my wedding colors. I need help, I know. (The most romantic moment was when my fiance said those words I longed to hear after the wedding….”This was a lot work, baby. I don’t know what we would have done without a wedding planning binder!” Yep, that’s why he is meant for me!)

But, although you may not want to become quite as neurotic with organization, I would still encourage you to consider creating a home management binder. As we talked about on Friday’s Featured Female, a wise woman “looks well to all the ways of her household.” What better way to know what “all of the ways of your household” are than to create tabs and sections for them?!

Now, I don’t know about you, but I get excited about using new things that are pretty. Pens, spreadsheets, plastic bins, office supplies- you name it! If it’s cutesy and functional, I want it.

The first thing you’ll want to do is select a binder that will be functional. It can be cute, too, but functional is definitely the most important. Ask yourself how sturdy it will need to be - will you be lugging this around with you all the time, or will it sit neatly on your desk? Does it need to be a zip-up binder- will you have scraps of paper and receipts tucked away? This is what you need to know before you spend money buying the prettiest notebook on the shelf!

Next, I like things that are adorable. It makes me want to use them more. Target has super-cute binders from Greenroom that I love. I didn’t choose this one, because I wanted inside pockets and a place to insert a cover sheet. But I am looking for a great excuse to buy one of these! 

Finally, you will need dividers. To determine how many you will need, you will want to decide on your categories. Everyone will have different sections that they deem important. For example, since I do not have children, I obviously don’t need a section for keeping up with my kid’s appointments and homework. (This is why I’m not a huge fan of pre-made organizational tools! I like to be able to use every part of what I buy!)  Be thinking about your categories, because I will soon be talking about each of my sections! I will also be showing you some great printable worksheets, both from my own work and from other very organized ladies across the blogosphere!

To give you some ideas, here are the sections of my Home Management Binder:

1)      Meal Planning and Grocery Shopping

2)      Cleaning and Organization

3)      Our Home Finances (I have a few different tabs in this section!)

-Bill due date schedule

-Debt payoff

-Medical debt payoff

4)      Stockpile Inventory

5)      My Wishlist

6)      Home Decorating

7)      Car Maintenance

8)      Christmas Planning

9)      Birthdays

10)  Addresses

I would eventually like to add a section for Vacation Planning! These are the sections that are functional and important for our tiny family! I’d love to hear the sections that you are using or plan to use! I hope you join me in creating an organizational tool to help you “look well to all the ways of your household!”

 Here is my binder!

LOVED this article!

Here is an article from Crystal at MoneySavingMom.com, about not trying to be superwoman. I thought it went nicely with today's Friday post on the Proverbs 31 Woman, which talked a little bit about strengths and weaknesses. Crystal's blog has been a constant source of inspiration to be, and I know you will love her, too

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 27

Proverbs 31:27- "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."

It's January, and in the beginning of each new year we like to talk about fresh beginnings and clean starts. One thing a lot of people do is resolve to be more organized. You'll notice that (along with health food and workout equipment) lots of organizational "stuff" is on sale this time of year. Now is the time to get focused, label things, and make your home all around better.

The Proverbs 31 woman knew the importance of being organized in the home and running it efficiently. She had a good understanding of all that went into creating a comforting and secure environment for her family. From the servants, to the kids, to the small businesses she owned- she was on top of things!

There is honestly no way that we can be lazy in this area and still expect the same results. We admire our Proverbs role model and marvel at her great value- far above rubies, as the Bible puts it. But are we willing to work as hard as she did? Her chapter of praise and admiration did not come easy. I'm sure her life wasn't any smoother than any of ours. The Bible tells us there is nothing new under the sun. I'm quite sure she dealt with the same everyday stresses as we Modern Girls do. She probably had even more due to her culture and environment. (When is the last time you worked by oil lamp light, or wove your own fabric, hmmmm?)

So what exactly does it mean to "look well to the ways of your household?"  I think one important aspect is planning ahead. I read a great post from Coupon Geek this week, who made the goal of taking time to plan. There shouldn't be areas of our homes or finances that are so overwhelming that we don't really know what's going on with them. Even if we have an area that is tough to tackle, like a large debt, we can at least be proactive by knowing things like the total amount due, the payment date, the interest, etc. You would be amazed at how much less stressed you can feel when you have everything on paper.

Have KNOWLEDGE of every aspect of your home. Everyone will have an areas of strengths and weaknesses. Areas of weakness are not an excuse to not "look well to the ways of your household." There are so many valuable resources out there! Some people are not as blessed with domestic skills, but are wonderful with children. Some may not have a desire to be surrounded by a brood of little ones, but are very financially savvy. Consider expanding your knowledge of your weaker areas, and reaching out to help someone else who might need your strengths.

The Proverbs 31 Woman, to me, seemed like a balanced, well-rounded, accomplished woman. She was a wife, mother, business owner, savvy shopper, artist...the list goes on. Before we get discouraged comparing ourselves to her, let's remember a couple of key things: 1. This is a chapter about all of her positive attributes; 2. This was a chapter about all of her accumulated accomplishments throughout her life. She didn't do all of this, all day, every day. It was a lifetime of work. So hang in there, and decide to look well to the ways of your household!

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 13-25

I'm struck by how many things the Proverbs 31 lady had her fingers in. Sometimes I feel like I need to pick one thing and make a career or life's goal out of it. Does anyone else ever feel that way? The need to compartmentalize our lives?

What I like about her is that she isn't in a box. She is into variety, but she isn't flighty. She doesn't take on so many things that all of them are half-finished. Instead, she purposefully chooses many areas of interest. Anything that promotes her big-picture goal of keeping her home and family is in. If it doesn't help her get to where she needs to be, it's out.

Check out the diversity of this cool lady!

Vs. 13- She creates products to sell, and also to use in her home.
Vs. 14- She is a savvy shopper, often traveling to get the best products.
Vs. 15.- She manages her household staff, and is able to designate responsibility.
Vs. 16- She invests in buying property.
Vs. 16- She uses the money from that property to invest and create a second avenue of income.
Vs. 17- She keeps herself healthy and fit.
Vs. 18 & 19- She uses her spare time in the evenings to work on her products to sell.
Vs. 20- She invests in helping the needy with her time and money.
Vs. 21- She takes the time to prepare her home for hard times and seasons.
Vs. 22.- She creates clothing for her family that are both practical and beautiful.
Vs. 23- She married someone who brings her honor as well.
Vs. 24- She sells her products wholesale to merchants, and collects her revenue later.
Vs. 25- She isn't lazy! (That we can tell!)

I love how she values her time, as well as her finances. She doesn't waste very much, but she figures out how to make her time and money work for her. She definitely works smarter and not harder. She frees herself up to do more by becoming more efficient; she doesn't burn herself out by doing too much! I think this is an especially hard thing to learn.

I love lots of different things, but I don't know if I limit myself to things that will help me build my life. I want to learn what this woman mastered- streamlining, not taking on new things on a whim. Her interests are careful building blocks of her life. I want to be calculated with my time, my money, and my talent, like she is.

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 15

I’d like to go through Proverbs 31 verse by verse, but I think I’ll do so in random order!

My husband just got a new job and started a week or so after the wedding. It’s about 45 minutes from our house, and he has to be there around 4:45 AM! I’ve been trying to get up with him and make him some breakfast and lunch for the day. We get up around 3 to get ready. Sometimes I stay up and sometimes I go back to bed for an hour or two before I have to get ready for work. Getting up this early forces us to go to bed early too. Now I have always been a night owl, so this is a really big adjustment for me. It also really cuts into my evening. I come home from work between 5:30 and 5:45 in the evening, make us dinner, then we clean it up. Then we have a tiny bit of time to watch some TV or a movie, then it is already time for us to shower and go to bed. Getting anything accomplished on a weeknight is getting a little impossible! Which leads me to the verse that I’ve been reminded of this week:

Vs. 15- ^"She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.”

Ok, so I am definitely rising while it is still night. And making my husband something to eat. And then….getting on Facebook, reading blogs, and so on….

While it’s nice to have that “down” time to myself, my goal is to use that morning time to get some things done that I haven’t been able to keep up on since going to bed earlier. I think the thing that impresses me the most about the Proverbs 31 woman is her use of time. She doesn’t seem stressed and stretched thin, but, man does she get a lot done! I mean, I know it assumes a lot that to say she wasn’t stressed. I’m sure the Bible just isn’t recording all of the times she went all “Type A” on her family and they avoided her and her productivity at all costs. Or the times she pulled a Martha and yelled at people for not helping her…because, let’s face it: there is no way she did all this stuff and was always totally balanced. But I love her use of the moments that she had to check things off her list. She took care of her family first. Notice she didn’t have servants getting up early to get HER breakfast ready. She got up and fed the family, and fed her maidens before starting her day. Who wouldn’t want to work hard all day with a lady like that? She made sure others were taken care of first. I think that’s a worthy example.

Here are a few of my goals for using my “rising while it is yet night” a little better:

-         Have a quiet time with God (can I admit that I am really bad at this?)

-         Clean up the kitchen after making breakfast

-         Work on a little light cleaning and straightening up

-         Disciplined blogging

-         Eating breakfast

-         And eventually…working out  (Which I hate, but I think early morning would be a great time to get it over with!)

Are you an early morning person? If so, how much do you manage to accomplish in the AM?

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman

I'd like to talk a little about an inspiring woman every week. Usually it will be this fabulous lady, but a few others will get sprinkled in there, too! If the woman we talk about is from the Bible, this post will probably be a little more like a study. If it's someone else, like a character from history, or from my life, it will have a little bit of a different feel. We'll see how it develops! I'm excited to share with you what inspires me.

In this first post, I want to tell you why I love this nameless woman from Proverbs. I grew up in a very legalistic atmosphere, not so much within my home as in the church and school we attended. There was a clear way they wanted women to be, and it was preached often. I didn't care for the standard they were putting out there. I didn't want my choices of what to be limited to a wife, mom, or Christian school teacher. I wanted to do something great. Most of all, I didn't want to fit into the mold that others thought I should. I didn't want to be a certain way that women were "supposed to be." The problem is, because of the environment I was in, I thought it was actually God who had this limited box for women. I had in my mind that the Proverbs 31 woman, this clear pattern for women laid out by God Himself, must have been a Pastor's wife. It's always funny how we come full circle when we stop believing what we think God wants from us, and actually start looking.

I love doing things around my home. I always have. I love cooking and baking, and crafts, and organizing, and all things domestic. But I never wanted to be limited to that. I wanted to do it ALL- the domestic stuff and the career stuff. I felt a little like an oxymoron. I was angry at those who told me I had to be a particular kind of woman. And I was angry at God because I thought He was in on that.

Enter the Woman who did it all. I don't remember how I got started reading more about the Proverbs 31 woman. I think it was probably in college. But once I started, I was hooked. It was as if I was looking at God and the Bible in a new light. I know that might seem silly, but I was really struggling with a God who would give me talents, and then force me to be in a box as a woman. I didn't realize until I opened up His Book that this was a man made box. And so it was and is with many things. It is God who is limitless; men always try to change that.

As I read and studied Proverbs 31, I felt peaceful knowing that I could love my domestic skills, and love business as well. I could aspire to do both things, and to be unlimited in my goals and interests. She seemed to be sending me a wink, and saying that the joke is on people who limit what God really wants from us. She seemed to be saying that it might just be okay to be myself.

And this is why I love her so much. I don't claim to be an expert, or a great example of the Proverbs 31 woman. Probably not even a mediocre example. But she opened up a new way of thinking for me, so I want to share her with you, too. I came to a place of wanting to be more like her, instead of fearing to be like her. I hope you see her for the awesome woman that she is. I can't wait to get to know her better, together!