In which I pick up writing again. For the millionth time. I've missed you.

I wrote the words below about a year and a half ago. I hate my sporadic writing, and I always want to come back so strong and steady, but this is just me. Life gets crazy, and time flies by. Before you know it, it's been a year since you did the thing you meant to do. And then 2 years. I don't want to be that person....but I also don't want to be so unforgiving to myself. To hold myself to such high standards that I feel like I am failing all the time.

These words I wrote are still my exact sentiment and vision for my blog and any other writing I will do. I am tired of the wars amongst women. I am tired of always trying to figure out where I fit, and more often finding where I do not. I am tired of the lines drawn in the sand and the inability to relate to one another if our life's circumstances are not identical. As laid out in her life-altering (for me) book by my girl Sheryl Sandberg, it is indeed time for all of us to "lean in" and take a seat at the table. But while Sheryl speaks more to professional life, I would take that a step further and apply it to whole, full living. I want to lean in at home, at church, in the community, and yes, at work. I want a seat at the table not just to talk business (although I want that, too), but also to talk theology, and parenting, and social justice. More on leaning in later, cuz I love it. And now it's kind of an awesome catch phrase.

I stopped blogging last year because I got pregnant. Obviously one could blog while pregnant, but for me, the whole year felt so.....taken over by pregnancy, baby, and new mommyhood. It is so easy to just lose yourself in it. In a good way, and also in a bad way. I had no idea. What was the best year of my life was also a little like a time-warp, and I feel like I was not actively participating in much other than Googling "exactly what day will my baby bump start to show," and "top 100 things that could possibly go wrong in pregnancy, childbirth, and life in general."

I want to be back now; I want to be an active participant in my life. I don't want to put everything on hold until my kids are in kindergarten (and moms of kindergarteners everywhere are laughing at me now, poor fool that I am to think that life might slow down at that point). I want to exist strongly and not just tread water. (Which is totally what I feel like I am doing in case you got the idea from this post that I somehow have it together, haha!) I do not want to miss out on anything, I do not want it all to pass in a blur of late nights and poopy diapers. I want to cherish every moment of my son's life, but also mine. I want to live in my purpose. I'll be the big 3-0 this year, and I do not want to waste time not being who I am meant to be.

Without further ado.....below are the words I wrote before that still ring true to me today. I love this Proverbs woman. Sometimes I think my blog name is too churchy or will be a turnoff to some. But that is also why I want to keep it. To break down that stereotype of what "Biblical womanhood" really means. I look forward to being back and pray nothing hinders me (including my own lack of discipline) from writing this year with focus and purpose.


So.....it's been a while, yeah? Almost one year, to be exact.

I've been mulling over what I want to write for a while now. Almost one year, to be exact...

I've been thinking and reading other blogs, and considering what I want to be writing about. I've been thinking about my passion, and my education, and my goals. I've been thinking about where I go from here. In my life, not just my blog.

I love domestic things. I love reading blogs about couponing, and creating home management binders, and saving money, and sticking to a cleaning schedule, and cooking things.

I also love working, and feminism, and social justice, and discussions about poverty and politics and health and psychology.

And I really love theology and talking about who Jesus was and is, and how He operates. I love the controversial conversation that's happening in regard to the American church and Western Christianity.

And......good luck finding all of those things in one place. Which is ok, except for the fact that they all seem to be SO separated from each other! I can find a jillion blogs on home management. And I LOVE them. But a lot of times we don't speak the same language. I don't have kids, I'm not a homeschooler, I work full time, and I don't have nearly enough time to clean my house. And I can find great blogs on feminism and religion and theology and social justice. But I also want to talk about baking and organizing and I don't want to skip over those things. So, yeah, I get it....all blogs and books and articles can't be about all things and all interests.

BUT.

How about when all those genres aren't really respecting each other? What about when you have to choose between domesticity and theology? That's pretty uncool.

So, I guess this is my space to blend my  interests. Because I get it- I get both "sides," of things.....I just don't like that there are sides. I'd rather have some solidarity.

I thought about changing the name of my blog, but I love it. I think our Proverbs 31 gal does blend a whole lot of things together- Jesus, feminism, business, working moms, domesticity, organization, money management. I like that about her. So I think she can stay. :) 

Elizabeth Bennett and the Virtuous Woman {Proverbs 31:10}

There's that scene in Pride and Prejudice where Lizzy, Darcy, and the Bingley siblings are in the drawing room talking about what things would qualify a woman as being "accomplished." I love it, because after the (ridiculous) list of attributes is finished, Lizzy says to Mr. Darcy, "I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any."

This is how I feel after reading the Proverbs 31 list of virtuous attributes! Indeed, her price, value, worth, scarcity, would be far above rubies. I rather wonder now at my knowing any.

So, as we dig into these women of the Bible that define the modern day pursuit of "Biblical Womanhood," we may as well begin by defining the word that is so highly expected of us.

Virtuous- conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright

 

So.....a "goody-two shoes?" (Whatever that actually means...it's kind of a weird phrase.) Someone who is the "right" kind of girl, or a "good girl?"

 

Does it mean someone who never does anything bad, or pretty much has this good, Christian girl thing down pat? Someone who paints tables and is well versed in reading and writing? (The accomplished woman from Jane Austen's novels?)

 

My knee jerk reaction is to conjure up images of the sweetest little pastor's wife you ever did see when I think of the words "moral" and "upright."

 

But when really meditating on what would make someone moral and ethical, I think more along the lines of ethics in business, good politics, poverty alleviation, and awareness of the exploitation of vulnerable groups. I think of ways that I believe Christians should conduct themselves. I don't know about you, but for me that means having good character. It means doing what you say you will do, and not trying to "pull one over" or "step on" anybody to get ahead. It means business deals being on the up and up. It means blowing the whistle if you see corruption in your work place. It means not tolerating the exploitation of workers at home or abroad, where it is in your power to do something. It means being trustworthy. It means striving to be a Christian who doesn't make people want to vomit because of your general hypocrisy. It means being transparent. It means being a person that reflects the attractiveness of Jesus.

 

And this can be hard work. Because people know when other people are being real. Are you morally upright, or do you act that way on Sunday morning? Are you open about your struggles and your victories, or are you striving to be seen as the "good church girl," or as "wife material?" Are you living it or acting it?

 

What are the things in your life that you believe would qualify you as being a virtuous woman? Is it how often you attend church? Is it how busy you are "for God?" Or is it deeper than that?

 

Honestly, it is super easy to become a good church person. It becomes routine. You (and I) become lazy. Are we doing a bunch of bad things? Nah. Am I generally a moral person? Yes, I would say so. But am I daily striving to become a woman of virtue? Well.....occasionally. But mostly I rely on the fact that I am not doing bad or socially unacceptable things. I am fairly emotionally healthy, I go to work, I do a good job there, I don't steal, I don't do drugs or drink excessively. I have never killed anyone. You know, basic "my good outweighs my bad" type stuff.

 

However, we know that we are called to more. God calls all of our self-achieved righteousness "filthy rags!" So, that morally good rut that we are in all too often.....well, it has to go.

 

The virtue of Jesus was counter-cultural. It was radical and based in grace. It was not the things He did, but Who He was. That's what we need, too. We not only need to be covered in His righteousness, but to also examine the lives we live. Is it the day in, day out, churchy routine? Or are we radically changing our lives and actions to align with the virtues and principles that Jesus taught? Things like caring for the sick and poor and weak? Things like giving and alleviating and bringing hope?

 

This virtue calls for us to lay down our lives--our comfortable, church-going, seemingly good and morally upright lives--and then take it further, examining what we think and believe and asking, "Is this virtuous? Is this moral and ethical? Is this excellent and upright?"

 

Truly virtuous people are rare. Their price is far above rubies. I rather wonder now at my knowing any.

 

I am striving to be more aware of real virtue in my life. It has little to do with whether or not I am a good homemaker, or a good cook. I do not need to be great "wife material," for many are called to singleness. I do not need to be incredibly resourceful, or talented. Yes, God gives many of these things as gifts, but they do not create virtue. Virtue is so much more. It is living what you say you believe about who Jesus is. It is going against the grain and really living out your faith. It is choosing the ethical thing even when it is not the popular thing. It is hard work. It is sacrifice. And it has great value. 



Meeting the Proverbs 31 Woman: {and her bad reputation}

So, this blog is called The Modern Girl's Guide to Proverbs 31. Here's a little bit about why I chose the name.

I was raised with a certain standard for women. Actually, more like a box. A box that women could never step outside of. I remember doing a career choice research paper for English in my Christian school- you picked a certain career path and wrote about how to get there, what the work would be like, etc. I chose to write about becoming a journalist. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but writing appealed to me. I clearly remember being stared at incredulously when I handed in my topic. My teacher/principal/pastor of the church said to me, "A journalist? Well, just until you become a wife and a mother, right?" You see, there were only a few viable life choices for women: wife (preferably a pastor's wife), mother, or (if God were to go buck wild and call you to be in the workplace, or by some unfortunate accident He never sent you The One), a Christian schoolteacher or church secretary. This message was reinforced when I went to Bible college, where the only majors for women were Religious Education and Secretarial Science. (And possibly music of some sort? But not leading worship, of course...)

In all of these pursuits, there was one goal: Biblical Womanhood. Of which, the dear Proverbs 31 Woman was the gold standard. This lovely woman cooked everything from scratch so that hubs had a hot meal when he came in from working hard as a pastor all day. She raised and homeschooled six children, and she served by teaching Sunday School in their local synagogue. She hosted ladies' Bible study every Wednesday morning at her house. She dressed modestly and sang in the choir......right?

Except she didn't.

She, um......worked. Like a lot.

The day I read her story for myself and really realized that she was not what I had been told, I felt as though she and I had a little secret. From then on, when this ideal for women was presented in such a pious way through Proverbs, I chuckled to myself. Little did they know- this woman was investing in property! She had hired help with those kids! She and I had an inside joke. We were outside of the box.
I don't bring this up to bash churches, or stay at home moms, or homeschooling. (To be fair, the church I grew up in didn't even believe in homeschooling, a rarity among hyper-conservative churches. They believed in everyone's children attending their school for reasons I won't bother getting into today.) So if you are someone who stays at home or believes in homeschooling, I have no intention of offending. I'm not even saying it's outside of the realm of possibility for my life. I can think of a variety of circumstances that could lead me in that direction.

BUT....

When you are presented with those things as the absolute only option for your life...that's not ok! When you are taught to believe that this is all that GOD has laid out for women, in general, in His Word and that any deviation from that would lead you outside of His will...that's destructive. (And that's the nicest way I can put it. It's more than destructive, actually. It's abusive.)

So, back to our Proverbs 31 lady....she gets a bad rap. I mean, she is actually very cool. It's not fair that she is held up to women and used to create a standard of "Biblical womanhood." She didn't ask for that. A lot of women just hear the words "Proverbs 31 woman," and want to run for cover, because they know where that conversation is headed. Straight down the path of "here is what you should be." So, the name of my blog is probably off-putting to many, because they assume they know what it will be about. That's how I would feel.

I'd like to try to change her reputation a little bit. I'd like to write about her in a way that makes you realize we might actually like her. She is even a pretty decent role model, if you're looking for one.

Oh, and one more thing? She not real. Yep, that's right. Don't forget that Proverbs 31 was a hypothetical woman written by another woman....a mother, to be more accurate. A mother who was giving her son a breakdown of what makes an ideal wife. So while I am not downplaying the importance of this being included in Scripture.....do you know a lot of women who live up to a laundry list of ideals laid out by their mother in law? Chew on that for a little while. I like what the woman has to say, but.....I'm just sayin'. :) It's worth considering.

I'm going to talk a lot more about her, along with a lot of other great ladies in the Bible. I'm not going to focus on just the ones that are typically used to create a box for women in churches (the Proverbs 31 woman, Mary the Mother of Christ, or 1 Peter 3 where we call our husbands "lord"). I'm not going to focus on the ones that are typically used to break us out of that mold, either (Deborah, Miriam, Anna the prophetess). Instead, I like the approach of looking at the Bible as a whole, and appreciating that there are all kinds of women. We have unfortunately turned being Christian and female into this monumental thing of achieving the highest standard. What if there are no "sides" and we're totally missing the point? So I don't want to pick and choose the women that back up my arguments for how I think women should be. There are so many varieties of women in my own life, I could never just pick one, and say, "There- her. That is what God wants women to be." And I don't know any woman who would welcome that kind of pressure! So why do we do that with the women whose stories are laid out in Scripture? As far as I can tell, there was only one Gold Standard in the Bible, and He tended to blow the culture's expectations wide open. So....I think I want to be a woman just like Him. Not some other woman that was just doing her best and would be mortified that her life has been used for millennia to beat up other women.

It's going to get controversial, because it always does when you talk about gender. That's not limited to Christianity by any means. But I'm good with that. I can't wait to dive in to our gold standard women and talk about how awesome they are....just not awesome enough to worship.

What are your initial thoughts? Do we worship certain women in the Bible? Do some of them make us nervous because they are a little out-of-pocket?