The Working Girl's Guide, Week # 2- Choose Your Priorities

Time for week #2 of the Working Girl's Guide! I hope last week's "Cut Yourself Some Slack" was helpful. I know I've been reminding myself to relax my expectations this week.

So, this week, I want to talk about choosing priorities. Here's the thing about working and homemaking: it's a balancing act. It's that way for everyone, no matter how much time they spend at home. As women, we often have to split our focus and priorities in many directions. That being said...

Choose your priorities!

While working and building your home, you will find that you have to choose which things are going to come first. When you are not totally immersed in home life, and are also focused on the daily stresses of your career, it is easy to become overwhelmed and not want to do any of it. I know at the end of a long work day or week, or even if I am just feeling tired, it is easy to put my home entirely on the back burner.  Rather than balancing the two, I can lose my focus on both. I can feel like I deserve to let it all go, because I am tired. Here's the truth:

#1- You can't have it all, do it all, and be it all.
If you try, you will burn out. You may be able to appear that you can have it all, do it all, and be it all for a while. But that's not very genuine. That actually separates you from others for the sake of your pride. You really don't have to have it all together and have it all figured out. We have to learn (me, especially!) to let go or our perfectionist standard- both the one we hold for ourselves, and the one we hold for others! So if the goal isn't to have it all, how do we improve balancing our work and home lives?

#2- Pick one or two things to do excellently.
What is THE most important thing? Maybe you'd love to stay home, but you are unable to and need to bring in an income. Examine why you'd like to be home during the day. Is it to spend more time with your kids? Cook from scratch? Clean and organize? Take more time to relax and pamper yourself? Further your education? Whatever it is that you want to do- that you wish you could balance- make that your priority for home life. For me, it's cooking decent food. I don't get it right every day, but it's important to me that I use ingredients in my meals, and that they do not come out of a box. Now, there are 100 things I would love to do in my home. I am discouraged that there is an enormous pile of laundry in my room and my "storage"spare bedroom is terrifying. I want to get to those things. But, if I only have time for one "home priority" on a workday- it's cooking a good meal. If I work at it, I can start to incorporate more things that I want to prioritize. I could even choose one thing each day to focus on so that it all gets some attention. Now, the goal here is still not to have it all, do it all, and be it all. It's to achieve some balance. Whether you work or not, balance is still key. You will never be Superwoman! (sorry!) I can begin by defining what is most important to me, and work from that base. For some women, this may not be acceptable. Many choose to stay home because that IS their priority. For me- at least at this stage in my life, but maybe always- having a job I love is a priority. I don't see myself being a stay at home mom in the future. Maybe I will change my mind, who knows? But wherever you are, you will have to choose to prioritize what it most important, and learn how to maintain the rest.

#3- Let the rest go, and be kind to yourself.
By "let the rest go," I don't mean stop cleaning your house if spending time with your children is your top priority. No, unfortunately, there are many dreary things in life that need to be done, even if we do not deem them top priority. However, what I do mean is this: stop stressing out over it. I want a clean house, a home cooked meal, a happy husband, a job well done during my workday, and a gorgeous yard. All the time. Every day. But that's not so realistic. What can I do about it? Manage my time to do a little of everything, which we will talk about later. Make my priorities, and become skilled at those things. Enjoy and feel proud of what I do manage well. And then be kind to myself about the fact that the bathroom didn't get cleaned thoroughly this week.

I'm not talking about procrastination, or having a dirty house. I'm talking about skipping the guilt reel full of self loathing every night as you lay in bed. You know what I mean- reflecting on how bad the house looks, how bad the kids were, how unsexy you looked today, how quick the meal was, how unproductive you felt at work. Why not change our attitudes and focus? Why not choose one or two priorities, and then reflect on the accomplishments, no matter how small, each day? Stand back and admire the clean kitchen, even if the living room is a mess. You'll be a lot happier!