{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 18 & 31

Proverbs 31:18- "She perceiveth that her merchandise is good; her candle goeth not out by night."
Proverbs 31:31- "Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." 

I believe this is about confidence.

Just a thought today....

What are you afraid of doing because people might not like it? I'm not talking about standing up for what's right, or something deep like that. I'm talking about being afraid of not getting approval. Of someone not thinking that something you like/made/worked on/created is awesome. 

This lady "perceives that her merchandise it good." It doesn't say, "She asked everybody if they thought her merchandise was good and then still didn't sell it at the market for a while because her mother-in-law hated it, but then finally decided to open a small booth, but still pretended to hate all of her work to fish for compliments." Come on, you know what I'm talking about.

We hesitate to show people "the work of our hands," as Proverbs 31 puts it. We tend to be critical of our creations. Often it's not because we truly feel critical of our works. On the contrary, we may be quite proud! But we like the bolstering of other people loving what we do or make or present. We are creating opportunities for others to say "No, really, it looks great! You are so creative! I wish I was just like you! I don't know how you do it!" You get the picture.

We need people to tell us we are fantastic. She didn't.

Wow.....this one is really hitting home with me, even as I type it! I'm even wondering if anyone will like this post! We downplay our gifts, thinking that if we just say, "Thank you, I think they turned out pretty well, too," that we are prideful. It's something we've been taught. Not to "lift ourselves up."

Newsflash: We still are!!!!! False modesty is just as bad as being a show off. I don't think we even intentionally do it. I think it is deeply ingrained in many Christians not to be proud of our work or accomplishments.

But, as always with God, it is about balance. We don't need to whip up the best possible crafts or cooking and then snottily show all the other ladies what you can do and they can't. (Isn't that what we feel like we're doing sometimes when we receive a compliment?) We also don't need to pretend that we don't think what we just made is pretty awesome/delicious/beautiful.

There is an in- between answer for this:

1. Giving God the glory and thanks for creating you with certain gifts and talents.
2. Recognizing the gifts and talents in others and building them up.
3. Being willing to use those gifts and talents for the work He calls you to. Because, after all, that is why you have them- not just to benefit yourself!

The Proverbs 31 Woman recognized her talent. She believed it would be profitable, and that others would find her work pleasing. She went right to work on it, making and selling her items. Simple as that.

She let her own works praise her. She did not lift herself up OR put herself down in order to receive praise. Also, simple as that.

Yikes. In what ways do you bring in your own praise? Or what things are you timid about showing people because they might not think it's very good? Can you accept either compliments or criticism about your work? Both can be really hard to do, while having a balanced attitude.

Some of it is in our speech. We have fall-back answers like, "I guess so; these cookies really aren't my favorite." "Well, I burned the first batch." "I'm still not happy with how this turned out." "Really? You're sure it's ok?" "I might just throw it away and start over." We are fishing. We want the responses of: "No, REALLY! I love it! Don't throw it out! It's so good! I like it! You are talented/beautiful/amazing/the best cook in the whole entire world!" (Is this stepping on anyone's toes but my own!?)

Let's change our speech. I'm not saying let's go to the other extreme, or to conjure up some super-spiritual answers like, "Oh, it's none of my own work, just the Lord working in me to create these meager cookies." :)
But let's have confidence in the abilities that God did give us, and be honest about our shortcomings. Try to add these to your speech:

"Thank you, I'd be happy to share the recipe. Maybe you could bring me your recipe for what you brought!"

"I had a lot of fun making this."

"I appreciate the compliment!"

Or, if what you created doesn't come up in conversation, guess what? You don't even need to bring it up! Don't bother with things like, "Is the meatloaf ok? I'm pretty sure I burned it." Just allow people the chance to be gracious to you if you did burn it, and complimentary (or *gasp*) indifferent, if you didn't.

This is a struggle for many of us, maybe not to the extreme, but in some aspect. There are people who do this so much, and who are so insecure that this drives us crazy. But we all have it at least a little bit. Maybe you even sound like you are balanced, but in your heart, you are really hoping that someone will recognize what you've done.

Let's take the lead from Proverbs and just be enthusiastic about our creativity and talent. Let's not put ourselves down, or lift ourselves up, or seek approval. Let's just get to work on whatever it is we are excited about. Your own works will praise you in the gates. And the truth is, even if your actual product isn't that good...no one can resist a balanced and enthusiastic attitude! Others enjoy someone who can receive compliments or criticism. And so your work will still praise you in the gate, even if it's not perfect! Isn't that a crazy thought? :)

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 14

Vs. 14- "She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar."

I watched a documentary last night called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead." ( I know you're wondering what that has to do with Proverbs 31!) Well, I've been thinking a lot about food, recipes, growing food, whole foods diets, and so on. This film talked about many interesting things that I won't get into right now. But one thing that stood out to me was a section where they talked about how convenient our food is. I don't just mean fast food. But in general, food is very easy to come by and prepare in our culture. They talked about how much healthier it was in older days to have to work for every meal. To have to hunt it, or grow it, or figure out how to store it. Not only did people eat more naturally this way, they also got a lot of physical activity while acquiring their food supply. We don't have to grow anything if we don't want to. We don't have to clean the game in order to have meat, or grind our own wheat for flour. If people do those things, it is usually by conscious choice, not necessity.

I wish I knew more about the culture and times of the Proverbs 31 woman. I hope to read more to discover some of the ways she lived! I connected that clip of the documentary with this verse in Proverbs. I wonder what food choices were available in her village. We see over and over again that this woman finds ways to provide her family with the best things. Did she have to get her food from far away? Or was that in an effort to have better eating choices for her family? Something tells me that not every homemaker in her village was going through the same trouble. I think this was a woman who stood out; maybe she did things a little differently! I wonder if there were ingredients that she wanted that she couldn't get down at the open market. I wonder if she waited for her shipments to come in so that she could stock up on the things she needed to make healthy and wholesome choices for her family's meals. I also secretly wonder if she would have loved the world of homemaker's blogs and exchanging healthy recipes! I know that sometimes online is where I find kindred spirits- other ladies devoted to their homemaking, and trying to feed their families healthier, more homegrown, and more organic foods. As I find an online community of other women all across North America, I wonder if she felt alone. Maybe even a little weird for choosing to go against the grain. Maybe everyone else was buying convenience foods down at the market, but she was down by the docks, waiting for her shipments to come in. Maybe- I don't know!

I think this verse, above all, speaks encouragement to those trying to do things a little bit differently. Maybe against what our culture deems "normal." It's old-fashioned to bake bread, to stay home with your children, to even utter the word "homemaking." Let her encourage your heart today that it is the best choice to go the extra mile for your family, no matter how big or small the act may be. It is always right to be wise in your decisions on how to feed, clothe, educate your children and organize your home. I don't believe that God specifically calls us as women to work, or to stay at home, or homeschool, or send our kids to school, or have a brood of children, or have one, or even to marry or stay single. I know some would disagree with me on this, and that's ok. I do know He calls us to be keepers of our homes- whether that is just you, or a dozen people! So make wise choices in your home. Gather your food from afar, whatever that may mean today in your life. Whatever it is you do that is best for you and your family, even if it's a little unconventional in our world- do it boldly!


Linking up at::::

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 20

Proverbs 31: 20 -"She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy."

I love this verse. I love that the Proverbs 31 woman makes the time to help others. I don’t ever want to be too busy for others. I struggle with that at times: working so hard on having my life just so, that I forget what it’s really about.

In her book, Beautiful in God’s Eyes, a study of the Proverbs 31 woman, Elizabeth George explains this verse so well. Although the verse seems redundant, it’s not. This author points to the different actions used here.

She stretches out (or extends) her hand- This is an action of giving: financially, from the variety of products that the Proverbs woman makes and sells, food, clothing, etc. She is reaching into her own pockets, to use the author’s wording, and extending her hand to fill a need of someone less fortunate than herself.

She reacheth forth her hands to the needy- She takes it a step further! This is the action of “getting her hands dirty.” She doesn’t give simply to be charitable or to do good deeds, but out of a genuine desire to serve and love. This action is one of doing, rather than giving. She visits the sick, she opens her home, she talks with the hurting. Here, she gives of herself, not just of her resources.

Isn’t it easy to do one and not the other? People like to do good in order to feel good. The Proverbs 31 woman does good because there is a need for good to be done. She takes the needs of others seriously. This is a woman who is a caregiver. We see this throughout her story- she minds the needs of her husband, her children, her maids, her self, her business connections, and her community. Her influence is far reaching. She gives from a genuine heart, and not from a desire to be lauded for her deeds. Her own works praise her, as the passage says, and she doesn’t need to make a show out of her charity.

Notice that she is keeping herself healthy and not stretching herself thin. Her careful planning and organization allow her to free up time to help the needy. She also starts at home and increases her circle of influence. First mentioned is her husband, then her family, then her household staff, then the poor, then herself. I don’t think this means that she always put herself last, or had unhealthy boundaries. I think it points to the simple joy that can be found in giving of yourself to others.

I am challenged by this passage to give out of love and obedience, and not for a show. To always check my heart’s motives. To make sure I’m not praising my own works- and that can come in many forms, including false modesty or humility! Do I desire to stretch out my hand and reach out my hands? Is it easier to look like I am giving more than I am?

And here’s the kicker: Do I organize my home and my life in order to look like I have it altogether, or for the purpose of freeing myself to be more available for the things God would have me do?

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 27

Proverbs 31:27- "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."

It's January, and in the beginning of each new year we like to talk about fresh beginnings and clean starts. One thing a lot of people do is resolve to be more organized. You'll notice that (along with health food and workout equipment) lots of organizational "stuff" is on sale this time of year. Now is the time to get focused, label things, and make your home all around better.

The Proverbs 31 woman knew the importance of being organized in the home and running it efficiently. She had a good understanding of all that went into creating a comforting and secure environment for her family. From the servants, to the kids, to the small businesses she owned- she was on top of things!

There is honestly no way that we can be lazy in this area and still expect the same results. We admire our Proverbs role model and marvel at her great value- far above rubies, as the Bible puts it. But are we willing to work as hard as she did? Her chapter of praise and admiration did not come easy. I'm sure her life wasn't any smoother than any of ours. The Bible tells us there is nothing new under the sun. I'm quite sure she dealt with the same everyday stresses as we Modern Girls do. She probably had even more due to her culture and environment. (When is the last time you worked by oil lamp light, or wove your own fabric, hmmmm?)

So what exactly does it mean to "look well to the ways of your household?"  I think one important aspect is planning ahead. I read a great post from Coupon Geek this week, who made the goal of taking time to plan. There shouldn't be areas of our homes or finances that are so overwhelming that we don't really know what's going on with them. Even if we have an area that is tough to tackle, like a large debt, we can at least be proactive by knowing things like the total amount due, the payment date, the interest, etc. You would be amazed at how much less stressed you can feel when you have everything on paper.

Have KNOWLEDGE of every aspect of your home. Everyone will have an areas of strengths and weaknesses. Areas of weakness are not an excuse to not "look well to the ways of your household." There are so many valuable resources out there! Some people are not as blessed with domestic skills, but are wonderful with children. Some may not have a desire to be surrounded by a brood of little ones, but are very financially savvy. Consider expanding your knowledge of your weaker areas, and reaching out to help someone else who might need your strengths.

The Proverbs 31 Woman, to me, seemed like a balanced, well-rounded, accomplished woman. She was a wife, mother, business owner, savvy shopper, artist...the list goes on. Before we get discouraged comparing ourselves to her, let's remember a couple of key things: 1. This is a chapter about all of her positive attributes; 2. This was a chapter about all of her accumulated accomplishments throughout her life. She didn't do all of this, all day, every day. It was a lifetime of work. So hang in there, and decide to look well to the ways of your household!

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 13-25

I'm struck by how many things the Proverbs 31 lady had her fingers in. Sometimes I feel like I need to pick one thing and make a career or life's goal out of it. Does anyone else ever feel that way? The need to compartmentalize our lives?

What I like about her is that she isn't in a box. She is into variety, but she isn't flighty. She doesn't take on so many things that all of them are half-finished. Instead, she purposefully chooses many areas of interest. Anything that promotes her big-picture goal of keeping her home and family is in. If it doesn't help her get to where she needs to be, it's out.

Check out the diversity of this cool lady!

Vs. 13- She creates products to sell, and also to use in her home.
Vs. 14- She is a savvy shopper, often traveling to get the best products.
Vs. 15.- She manages her household staff, and is able to designate responsibility.
Vs. 16- She invests in buying property.
Vs. 16- She uses the money from that property to invest and create a second avenue of income.
Vs. 17- She keeps herself healthy and fit.
Vs. 18 & 19- She uses her spare time in the evenings to work on her products to sell.
Vs. 20- She invests in helping the needy with her time and money.
Vs. 21- She takes the time to prepare her home for hard times and seasons.
Vs. 22.- She creates clothing for her family that are both practical and beautiful.
Vs. 23- She married someone who brings her honor as well.
Vs. 24- She sells her products wholesale to merchants, and collects her revenue later.
Vs. 25- She isn't lazy! (That we can tell!)

I love how she values her time, as well as her finances. She doesn't waste very much, but she figures out how to make her time and money work for her. She definitely works smarter and not harder. She frees herself up to do more by becoming more efficient; she doesn't burn herself out by doing too much! I think this is an especially hard thing to learn.

I love lots of different things, but I don't know if I limit myself to things that will help me build my life. I want to learn what this woman mastered- streamlining, not taking on new things on a whim. Her interests are careful building blocks of her life. I want to be calculated with my time, my money, and my talent, like she is.

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman, vs. 15

I’d like to go through Proverbs 31 verse by verse, but I think I’ll do so in random order!

My husband just got a new job and started a week or so after the wedding. It’s about 45 minutes from our house, and he has to be there around 4:45 AM! I’ve been trying to get up with him and make him some breakfast and lunch for the day. We get up around 3 to get ready. Sometimes I stay up and sometimes I go back to bed for an hour or two before I have to get ready for work. Getting up this early forces us to go to bed early too. Now I have always been a night owl, so this is a really big adjustment for me. It also really cuts into my evening. I come home from work between 5:30 and 5:45 in the evening, make us dinner, then we clean it up. Then we have a tiny bit of time to watch some TV or a movie, then it is already time for us to shower and go to bed. Getting anything accomplished on a weeknight is getting a little impossible! Which leads me to the verse that I’ve been reminded of this week:

Vs. 15- ^"She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.”

Ok, so I am definitely rising while it is still night. And making my husband something to eat. And then….getting on Facebook, reading blogs, and so on….

While it’s nice to have that “down” time to myself, my goal is to use that morning time to get some things done that I haven’t been able to keep up on since going to bed earlier. I think the thing that impresses me the most about the Proverbs 31 woman is her use of time. She doesn’t seem stressed and stretched thin, but, man does she get a lot done! I mean, I know it assumes a lot that to say she wasn’t stressed. I’m sure the Bible just isn’t recording all of the times she went all “Type A” on her family and they avoided her and her productivity at all costs. Or the times she pulled a Martha and yelled at people for not helping her…because, let’s face it: there is no way she did all this stuff and was always totally balanced. But I love her use of the moments that she had to check things off her list. She took care of her family first. Notice she didn’t have servants getting up early to get HER breakfast ready. She got up and fed the family, and fed her maidens before starting her day. Who wouldn’t want to work hard all day with a lady like that? She made sure others were taken care of first. I think that’s a worthy example.

Here are a few of my goals for using my “rising while it is yet night” a little better:

-         Have a quiet time with God (can I admit that I am really bad at this?)

-         Clean up the kitchen after making breakfast

-         Work on a little light cleaning and straightening up

-         Disciplined blogging

-         Eating breakfast

-         And eventually…working out  (Which I hate, but I think early morning would be a great time to get it over with!)

Are you an early morning person? If so, how much do you manage to accomplish in the AM?

{friday's featured female} :: The Proverbs 31 Woman

I'd like to talk a little about an inspiring woman every week. Usually it will be this fabulous lady, but a few others will get sprinkled in there, too! If the woman we talk about is from the Bible, this post will probably be a little more like a study. If it's someone else, like a character from history, or from my life, it will have a little bit of a different feel. We'll see how it develops! I'm excited to share with you what inspires me.

In this first post, I want to tell you why I love this nameless woman from Proverbs. I grew up in a very legalistic atmosphere, not so much within my home as in the church and school we attended. There was a clear way they wanted women to be, and it was preached often. I didn't care for the standard they were putting out there. I didn't want my choices of what to be limited to a wife, mom, or Christian school teacher. I wanted to do something great. Most of all, I didn't want to fit into the mold that others thought I should. I didn't want to be a certain way that women were "supposed to be." The problem is, because of the environment I was in, I thought it was actually God who had this limited box for women. I had in my mind that the Proverbs 31 woman, this clear pattern for women laid out by God Himself, must have been a Pastor's wife. It's always funny how we come full circle when we stop believing what we think God wants from us, and actually start looking.

I love doing things around my home. I always have. I love cooking and baking, and crafts, and organizing, and all things domestic. But I never wanted to be limited to that. I wanted to do it ALL- the domestic stuff and the career stuff. I felt a little like an oxymoron. I was angry at those who told me I had to be a particular kind of woman. And I was angry at God because I thought He was in on that.

Enter the Woman who did it all. I don't remember how I got started reading more about the Proverbs 31 woman. I think it was probably in college. But once I started, I was hooked. It was as if I was looking at God and the Bible in a new light. I know that might seem silly, but I was really struggling with a God who would give me talents, and then force me to be in a box as a woman. I didn't realize until I opened up His Book that this was a man made box. And so it was and is with many things. It is God who is limitless; men always try to change that.

As I read and studied Proverbs 31, I felt peaceful knowing that I could love my domestic skills, and love business as well. I could aspire to do both things, and to be unlimited in my goals and interests. She seemed to be sending me a wink, and saying that the joke is on people who limit what God really wants from us. She seemed to be saying that it might just be okay to be myself.

And this is why I love her so much. I don't claim to be an expert, or a great example of the Proverbs 31 woman. Probably not even a mediocre example. But she opened up a new way of thinking for me, so I want to share her with you, too. I came to a place of wanting to be more like her, instead of fearing to be like her. I hope you see her for the awesome woman that she is. I can't wait to get to know her better, together!