This Christmas was kind of a whirlwind for me. The beginning of December held our annual Foster Care Christmas Party, which I had been planning various parts of since the end of August. So, after that, it hit me that I was having Christmas in my personal life as well this month. (Shocker!) This was the first time in a long time that I went kind of "commercial" and did way more shopping and spending money than I did crafting. It was a very un-homemade Christmas for me, which kind of bums me out. But it was a good one- this was the first time I had family here for the holidays since I moved out to Ohio 10 years ago, so that was special for me!
I tend to stress out over things like upcoming events, having company over, getting things done on time, and making sure everyone is recognized and appreciated at Christmas. I've been working on letting things go, and embracing the "good enough." It's hard, and I want things to go according to plan, but I am finding that I allow myself more time to enjoy the things that I've worked on and planned if I eventually throw my hands up and say, "That's as good as it's gonna get!" I attribute this largely to reading the book, Confessions of a Slacker Wife, by Muffy Mead-Ferro. It was hilarious! I picked it up as a light read, but it ended up being really life-changing for me. I highly recommend it! One habit I am really trying to form after reading this is the art of just letting things be good enough. Instead of making adorable and time consuming appetizers and party favors that everyone will compliment- just order a pizza so that you can actually spend time with people instead of time trying to impress people. I'm telling you- this book is a much needed kick in the pants.
So, here are some things that I let go of this Christmas. Some things I would actually prefer to not let go of next year, like sending Christmas cards (I think handwritten stuff is kind of a dying art), but no regrets. I was happier for not over exerting myself!
1. Perfection
This one is pretty self explanatory. There were a lot of things that weren't perfect this Christmas, but I didn't want to waste too much energy trying to bend them to my will! On Christmas morning, we had family over for brunch. My kitchen was fairly clean, and I set myself up for success by making a meal that was pretty much make-ahead/crockpot style, so that I could enjoy time with my family opening gifts and actually eating the food I prepared. But my kitchen floor was gross and needed to be mopped so badly. BUT...hubby had meat smoking out back for dinner that day, it snowed, and our back door is in our kitchen. Which meant quite a few muddy tracks all day, no way around it. So why mop in the morning? I didn't want guests to see my dirty floors, but it was pretty counterproductive to mop. So I didn't because there was no point. (My former self would have mopped every single time it got dirty that day and would have spent Christmas mopping and being cranky at my husband for tracking mud in the house.)
2. Control
So, I don't know if everyone in my life would agree that I gave up control....but I worked on it....so that's something, right? The thing is, I am good at planning and executing that plan. So, it's hard when things don't go according to plan, or when there doesn't seem to be a plan. I don't like flying by the seat of my pants, and I don't like when things are kind of up in the air until the day of. I like writing things down on my calendar and planning ahead. But, life happens, and well......people happen. I'm learning to deal with that. And trying to be flexible when last minute plans come into play, or people are like, "Hey, what are you doing tonight?" Or when the beautiful Pinterest craft you are making for gifts takes longer than you thought and doesn't turn out quite like the picture. Not that that happened. :)
3. Expectations
I have ideas of what I want the holidays to be like. I think it takes a while to adjust your expectations as an adult for what holidays and events in your own home will look like once you are a grown up. Yikes. I think it will be more fun when we have kids, and can start our own traditions. In the meantime it's like you are always basing your holiday on what everyone with kids is planning to do. Which is fine, it's just hard to let go of that desire to have things be special at your house, too. This year, I wanted to make freezer meals ahead of time so that we would be set for the week of Christmas. I wanted to have all my shopping and crafting done, and send out my boxes in time for people to receive gifts by Christmas morning. I wanted to bake and write out cards for my small group and mailman and landlord. Instead of baking, I actually just set my butter out to soften. For a week. Instead of prepping healthy freezer meals, we spent way too much ordering take out. Instead of mailing things ahead of time....well, those boxes are still in my foyer. I think adjusting expectations rolls up the control and perfection issues with it.
4. Saying Yes...
I don't have a huge issue with saying no. I am actually pretty good at it. I have struggled with depression before and part of the self care that I make a habit now is not filling my plate too incredibly full. It's just good mental maintenance. So, whereas I am okay at saying no to activities and events, and trying not to fill up my life too much, I can sometimes say yes to too much when it comes to my to do list. I already told you about all the things that I wanted to do during Christmas that I didn't get to- I do the same thing to myself when it comes to what I want to accomplish on any given day off. I fill my list with things I'd like to get done, and then I feel let down when I only get to one or two of them. It's still about expectations and perfection, I guess! So, this Christmas season, I tried to focus on saying yes to a reasonable amount of accomplishments, people, events, and Christmas items. I said no to sending Christmas cards, keeping my house sparkly clean, and piling too many obligatory events on our plates. I said no to stressing myself out, and decided that actually wanted to enjoy my time off of work!
5. Saying No...
So what did I do throughout December? I have a pretty long list of what didn't get accomplished, and I kind of have a pet peeve about letting everything go to heck in the name of mental health. Maybe it's true sometimes, but it can also feel like a cop-out. Some things you can't get out of, and shouldn't try. And I do like things to be nice, and pretty and creative, and Pinterest-y. :) So, I also did some "letting go of saying no." I took some time to evaluate and prioritize to see what I should say yes to this year. Here's what made the "yes" list:
- I didn't do Christmas cards for family and friends, but some of our church ladies and I took the time to write cards for girls in juvenile detention. I think they probably needed it more. And it was actually pretty tempting to say no, because we were asked kind of last minute, but it was the right decision. And we had a lot of fun getting together and doing it! Last year we made cards, and made a craft night out of it. This year, I decided we should forgo the extra work, and focus on our messages to the girls, and just spend the extra time praying over them instead of cleaning up glitter. Maybe next year we'll do more sparkle!
- I went to a Strip Church outreach for the first time on the Saturday before Christmas and prayed for ladies going out to local strip clubs to brings gifts and share with the girls working that they are valuable and loved. Honestly? I needed to get a lot of other stuff done, along with the rest of the world that day. But that made me realize how lame commercialism is. I think things like this are what Jesus called "choosing the better part" when He was talking to Martha. It's all just....stuff. People are more important.
- I was really present with my family and my husband's family. I am a behind the scenes kind of person. I like planning, and executing, and meeting needs. I like refilling the bowls and platters at parties. I don't actually care for the parties that much. But, like I said before, to be able to really spend time with others, you have to set yourself up for success. I didn't want to spend my time making the perfect dish or whatever. I wanted to sit, eat, enjoy, and interact. Big step for me.
- I cleaned out my shed. Yep, that's lame, I know...but we got amazing and unusual weather the Sunday before Christmas and it really needed to be done. So, I put aside my shopping, wrapping, and crafting to get some fresh air and do some outdoor work. Which is pretty out of character for me! So that was me, living on the edge, throwing caution to the wind and doing yard work instead of Christmas crafts...Woohoo! In all seriousness, it feels good to me to be able to be flexible with stuff like that.
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