discouragement.

That's where I am.

I had started out so strong blogging about our new little life and nest, which I so love. I have so many romantic visions of this picturesque life- decorating, and gardening, and cooking- all the while blogging about our adventures. And it was going great.

And then we moved, which was was a lot of work. {Into an amazing little house that is so perfect for us!} And then work got really busy and exhausting for the hubs, which meant life got busier for me. And then work picked up for me, too. And then our life, as grateful as I am for it, wore us out.

We lament all the time about not having more time to do what we want and love. Like work on our house and yard, or take little weekend trips. Or for me, blogging and investing more time and energy into our home. Both of those things have had to take a back burner lately, with blogging coming to a halt, and my homemaking sort of coasting along. One thing that I am proud of, that I have continued to purposefully do, is cook dinner every night. Most of the time, ordering pizza on the way home from the office sounds like a fantastic plan, but we refrain. And it doesn't help that I love pizza. :)

So, that's where I am....tired, but slowly wanting to come back to the bloggy world that I love, and share our busy life with you.

It occurred to me this week that all of the blogs that I love, read, pull ideas from, and desire to mimic, are written by wonderful women....who are all stay at home mothers. I realized that their level of investment in their homes and families are the standard to which I hold myself sometimes, even though I am not in the same stage of life. It's hard for me to be okay with not having a clean bathroom everyday, or with being exhausted at the end of my work week. I always want to do more, be more, and have more. I would love to make all of my food from scratch. I really would. I want to have a clean house, a lot more often than I do! I want more energy, like everyone else does, no matter their stage of life. :)

But mostly, I want the peace that comes from accepting where God has you, at this moment. From being okay with your limitations. From realizing that the next phase of life will come with it's own set of frustrations and limitations.

Sometimes, when I was single, I would think, "I love keeping my home; I wish I had a husband to share this with." {Don't get me wrong, I didn't constantly think this. I really enjoyed single living, and I feel strongly about young women doing more than sitting around wishing for a husband!} Now, newly married, I think to myself, "If only I had more time to put into my home, and in doing things that I love." And, if I had more time, I would probably wish I had a child to love on and care for, or more things to fill up my time. Do you see what I mean?

Comparison is indeed the thief of joy, but not just the comparison of ourselves to others. It is also the comparison of ourselves to other "selves" that we used to be, want to be, will be, will never be, or wish we were.

So, today, I am kind of tired from working all week, and having allergies. My floor really needs to be vacuumed. It's 7pm, and we haven't eaten dinner, because hubby isn't home yet. I am glad that I am doing a few things well; I am sad that there are so many other things I would like to do. But today, I will try to accept where I am in life. Today, I will blog about doing a few things well, and juggling the rest with a day job that I happen to love.

Today, I will give myself permission to be imperfect.