In which I pick up writing again. For the millionth time. I've missed you.

I wrote the words below about a year and a half ago. I hate my sporadic writing, and I always want to come back so strong and steady, but this is just me. Life gets crazy, and time flies by. Before you know it, it's been a year since you did the thing you meant to do. And then 2 years. I don't want to be that person....but I also don't want to be so unforgiving to myself. To hold myself to such high standards that I feel like I am failing all the time.

These words I wrote are still my exact sentiment and vision for my blog and any other writing I will do. I am tired of the wars amongst women. I am tired of always trying to figure out where I fit, and more often finding where I do not. I am tired of the lines drawn in the sand and the inability to relate to one another if our life's circumstances are not identical. As laid out in her life-altering (for me) book by my girl Sheryl Sandberg, it is indeed time for all of us to "lean in" and take a seat at the table. But while Sheryl speaks more to professional life, I would take that a step further and apply it to whole, full living. I want to lean in at home, at church, in the community, and yes, at work. I want a seat at the table not just to talk business (although I want that, too), but also to talk theology, and parenting, and social justice. More on leaning in later, cuz I love it. And now it's kind of an awesome catch phrase.

I stopped blogging last year because I got pregnant. Obviously one could blog while pregnant, but for me, the whole year felt so.....taken over by pregnancy, baby, and new mommyhood. It is so easy to just lose yourself in it. In a good way, and also in a bad way. I had no idea. What was the best year of my life was also a little like a time-warp, and I feel like I was not actively participating in much other than Googling "exactly what day will my baby bump start to show," and "top 100 things that could possibly go wrong in pregnancy, childbirth, and life in general."

I want to be back now; I want to be an active participant in my life. I don't want to put everything on hold until my kids are in kindergarten (and moms of kindergarteners everywhere are laughing at me now, poor fool that I am to think that life might slow down at that point). I want to exist strongly and not just tread water. (Which is totally what I feel like I am doing in case you got the idea from this post that I somehow have it together, haha!) I do not want to miss out on anything, I do not want it all to pass in a blur of late nights and poopy diapers. I want to cherish every moment of my son's life, but also mine. I want to live in my purpose. I'll be the big 3-0 this year, and I do not want to waste time not being who I am meant to be.

Without further ado.....below are the words I wrote before that still ring true to me today. I love this Proverbs woman. Sometimes I think my blog name is too churchy or will be a turnoff to some. But that is also why I want to keep it. To break down that stereotype of what "Biblical womanhood" really means. I look forward to being back and pray nothing hinders me (including my own lack of discipline) from writing this year with focus and purpose.


So.....it's been a while, yeah? Almost one year, to be exact.

I've been mulling over what I want to write for a while now. Almost one year, to be exact...

I've been thinking and reading other blogs, and considering what I want to be writing about. I've been thinking about my passion, and my education, and my goals. I've been thinking about where I go from here. In my life, not just my blog.

I love domestic things. I love reading blogs about couponing, and creating home management binders, and saving money, and sticking to a cleaning schedule, and cooking things.

I also love working, and feminism, and social justice, and discussions about poverty and politics and health and psychology.

And I really love theology and talking about who Jesus was and is, and how He operates. I love the controversial conversation that's happening in regard to the American church and Western Christianity.

And......good luck finding all of those things in one place. Which is ok, except for the fact that they all seem to be SO separated from each other! I can find a jillion blogs on home management. And I LOVE them. But a lot of times we don't speak the same language. I don't have kids, I'm not a homeschooler, I work full time, and I don't have nearly enough time to clean my house. And I can find great blogs on feminism and religion and theology and social justice. But I also want to talk about baking and organizing and I don't want to skip over those things. So, yeah, I get it....all blogs and books and articles can't be about all things and all interests.

BUT.

How about when all those genres aren't really respecting each other? What about when you have to choose between domesticity and theology? That's pretty uncool.

So, I guess this is my space to blend my  interests. Because I get it- I get both "sides," of things.....I just don't like that there are sides. I'd rather have some solidarity.

I thought about changing the name of my blog, but I love it. I think our Proverbs 31 gal does blend a whole lot of things together- Jesus, feminism, business, working moms, domesticity, organization, money management. I like that about her. So I think she can stay. :) 

So This Is What We're Eating This Week...

I'm trying to get back on track with meal planning and freezer cooking after the holidays. As always, cooking dinner and cleaning up is the bane of my evening, even though I really do like preparing meals (not so much the cleaning). Our evenings are just so crammed after work, and getting into some routine again will be really helpful as we are going to attempt getting more sleep. So, here is our meal plan for the upcoming week- hopefully it will keep me on track!

 

Monday~ Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole, rolls, and salad

Tuesday~ Small Group (we're bringing cheese & crackers) or grilled cheese and tomato soup

Wednesday~ Chicken Enchiladas, rice and beans, tortilla chips and guacamole

Thursday~ Leftovers

Friday~ Homemade pizza w/ peppers, onions, and chicken

Saturday~ Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and fresh green beans

Sunday~ Sausage, Potato, and Kale Skillet

 

I'm planning to make as much ahead of time as I can and freeze a couple of the meals so that I can cut down on how much I have to do in the evenings!

DIY Hand Soap {Love me some Mrs. Meyer's!}

I've been wanting to try this soap tutorial from The Farmer's Nest for a while now. I bought my bar of Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day Soap several months ago when I spotted it at the natural market. I had tried to do this with some plain Dove soap before and I didn't have a lot of luck, so I was nervous about wasting my $5 soap this time. But I was pleasantly surprised! I love the smell of Mrs. Meyers, so I'm pretty stoked about having it in such a large quantity. It was nice and easy to make, too.

Ingredients:

1 8 oz. bar of Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day soap
1 gallon of distilled water
2 tbs. glycerin

All you do is grate up the soap, and melt in a pot with the distilled water, along with the glycerin. Stir until all of the soap is dissolved. Then, just set aside the pot for about 12 hours to let it set. Mine actually only took about 5 hours to be ready, lucky me! It has a nice thick gel consistency when it is ready. If it is too hard after it sets (mine was around the edges), you can add a little water and use beaters to "fluff" it to the consistency that you like for your soap pumps. I just scooped mine into my Ninja, since I don't have a hand mixer. Then I poured into mason jars and I was done! I have a feeling I might need to do the "add water and blend" step again when I am ready to put it in soap pumps. We'll see. The smell is really wonderful! I was wondering if doing this would "water down" the scent, but it is still nice and strong!

My next goal is to duplicate Mrs. Meyer's powder scrub. I love it, but it is sold in a pretty small container and is about $5. I really wanted it so that I didn't have to use the cheap but way full of chemicals Ajax. Plus, I really didn't want to mess with the bleach. It took about half a container of the Mrs. Meyer's to get my shower floor sparkling (it was pretty grimy, I'm ashamed to say), so I definitely need a cheap, yet safe alternative!


I'm linking up at:
Skip to My Lou, The Girl Creative , Mad in Crafts, That DIY Party, I Should Be Mopping the Floor, Redhead Can Decorate, Scattered Thoughts of a Crafty Mom, twelveOeight, Under the Table and Dreaming, Creating My Way to Success, Craft-O-Maniac, Sew Can Do,  Lines Across, C.R.A.F.T., Uncommon Designs, That's What Che Said, Creatively Living, Blue Roof Cabin

Happy Goal Setting Day! {Part 2!}

So, I did my traditional browsing of old resolutions before writing this. I had been thinking about posting them, but it was honestly too embarrassing! I should have, because 2013 was my 10 year anniversary of setting goals and resolutions faithfully every year. But no, I couldn't bring myself to share the thoughts of my 18 year old brain. (Yikes.) By the way, this is the same fear that I have about writing a book. And even a blog. I am terrified that I will publish something for all the world to see and then I will look back in 10 years and think, "What an idiot!"

So, anyway, I didn't accomplish as much in 2013 as I had hoped. I did work on some things that I think were the most important, so I count that as success. But I am definitely hoping to reach some more goals in 2014.

A few things I did in 2013 that I'm pretty proud of...

1. My plan was to read 24 books- two per month- and I started out strong, then got pretty busy. And watched too much TV. :) I did read 16, though, and I am still in the middle of 3. I include audiobooks in that, because sometimes that's the only way to get it in.

2. I do feel like I  more time and effort into my friendships, which was a big desire of mine. I feel like with the busyness of adult life, I forget that this is important.

3. I kept in touch with several of my girls who I worked with and really tried to invest more in their lives. Being in the system is no joke, and kids need a lot of support. Consider being a mentor!

4. I started blogging consistently again in October. I feel like I lost a lot of ground and momentum when I stopped for a while, but I'm excited about the new direction I am taking.

5. I completed several project goals and financial goals in 2013, and I'm looking forward to some more in 2014!

And here are some things I'd like to do in 2014...

1. Read 24 books this year- 2 per month!

2. De-clutter: Take a 156 Things Challenge. That's getting rid of 3 things per week that we don't need! I would imagine that some weeks it will be more and some weeks it will be less.

3. Join the gym with hubby and actually go to it. Seriously, it has to happen. I am so out of shape.

4. Focus on my relationships with God, the hubs, my friendships, and my girls.

5. Blog weekly, commit to my writing, focus on building readership, continue learning about design.

6. Commit to a cash budget for our spending categories other than gas, bills, and savings.

7. Seriously consider going back for my Master's degree. I'm not ready to make actually starting it a goal, but I want to weigh all my pros and cons and see what it will cost and require. Also, I would need to decide on a major for it.

So, I think that's it for me this year...I don't want to make a huge list and bite off more than I can chew. I want to commit to things that I can actually accomplish and work on in my life. What are some goals that you're setting this year?

Happy Goal Setting Day! {Part 1!}

I have said it before, and I will say it every year- New Year's Eve is my favorite holiday. Not because of the champagne and the parties, no. The truth is, over the years there has been more than one holiday get together where I was secretly thinking the entire time about how I couldn't wait to get away and curl up with my fresh new journal page and juicy new colored pens to ring in the new year with my beautiful, shiny new lists...

That's right- New Year's Resolutions!!! I love them. I usually way overreach and keep about half. Or less. But I actually do try. I have put a lot of thought into them over the years, and I really do take the time to review periodically throughout the year of said resolutions. So for those unscientific reasons, I consider myself something of an expert. Also, it has become tradition for me and my college best friend to debate the merits of having "vague" goals, such as "work out more" over specific and measurable goals, such as "work out daily," every year for the past 10 years. So, here's to year 11 of her husband and I ganging up to drive her insane with our vagueness! (Our argument is that we can look back and feel that we did a good job "being better" at something, without actually measuring it. It's a failing argument that won't sell any self- help books, but I'm sticking to my guns.)

She will be happy to know that I am going to try to be more specific this year. Mainly because I am going to try to stay accountable here on the blog. (Maybe one vague goal could be "try to stay accountable on the blog...")

Sometimes I even like to take a sacred day and pour over all of my old journals and resolution lists and think about how far I have come. (Yes, it's that serious for me.)

On a less neurotic and more serious note, I believe it really is good to look back. Some goals and dreams and plans that I had did not come to fruition that year. Or the next. Some took time, and a lot of it. Some things are an ongoing journey in my life. I am also able to identify patterns in my life and work on them in a more productive way.

For example, when I looked back one time over several past years of journals, I noticed that every year I would write, "Be more organized." Now, those who know me know that organization isn't exactly something that I struggle with. I'm pretty stinkin' attentive to detail and organization. Even when I am messy and neurotic, I am organized. What I was really dealing with was perfectionism. I was good, but I wanted to be way better. I wanted to not just be organized, but perfect. I wanted to have it together. The real goal needed to be to let go of perfectionism and use my gift of organization that I already had to live a more full life. (That's still vague, I know.)

So, anyway- it's good to remember where you've been. Not just to track progress on goals, but to keep you humble and compassionate. Looking back at goal lists always winds up leading to reading through those old journals. Oh yikes. The years between 17 and 27 were good years for me to keep a record. They do, indeed, remind me of where I have been. I have been depressed, and in bad relationships, and floundering. I have made terrible choices over and over. I have been a hot mess. And He has pulled me up. Set my feet on more solid ground. It's good to revisit those years from time to time. It reminds me not to be so frustrated with those who have not yet done the hard, painful work of healing and self-awareness. Those who have not yet allowed Him to change their choices, and patterns and neuroses. :) It's easy to lose sight of your past when you feel like you are doing well. It's also easy to forget that you didn't do it on your own by making awesome New Year's Resolutions. He has shown me grace and given me a hope and a future.

So....my goals will be announced in Part Two.:)

Five things that I let go of this Christmas...



This Christmas was kind of a whirlwind for me. The beginning of December held our annual Foster Care Christmas Party, which I had been planning various parts of since the end of August. So, after that, it hit me that I was having Christmas in my personal life as well this month. (Shocker!) This was the first time in a long time that I went kind of "commercial" and did way more shopping and spending money than I did crafting. It was a very un-homemade Christmas for me, which kind of bums me out. But it was a good one- this was the first time I had family here for the holidays since I moved out to Ohio 10 years ago, so that was special for me! 

I tend to stress out over things like upcoming events, having company over, getting things done on time, and making sure everyone is recognized and appreciated at Christmas. I've been working on letting things go, and embracing the "good enough." It's hard, and I want things to go according to plan, but I am finding that I allow myself more time to enjoy the things that I've worked on and planned if I eventually throw my hands up and say, "That's as good as it's gonna get!" I attribute this largely to reading the book, Confessions of a Slacker Wife, by Muffy Mead-Ferro. It was hilarious! I picked it up as a light read, but it ended up being really life-changing for me. I highly recommend it! One habit I am really trying to form after reading this is the art of just letting things be good enough. Instead of making adorable and time consuming appetizers and party favors that everyone will compliment- just order a pizza so that you can actually spend time with people instead of time trying to impress people. I'm telling you- this book is a much needed kick in the pants. 

So, here are some things that I let go of this Christmas. Some things I would actually prefer to not let go of next year, like sending Christmas cards (I think handwritten stuff is kind of a dying art), but no regrets. I was happier for not over exerting myself! 

1. Perfection

This one is pretty self explanatory. There were a lot of things that weren't perfect this Christmas, but I didn't want to waste too much energy trying to bend them to my will! On Christmas morning, we had family over for brunch. My kitchen was fairly clean, and I set myself up for success by making a meal that was pretty much make-ahead/crockpot style, so that I could enjoy time with my family opening gifts and actually eating the food I prepared. But my kitchen floor was gross and needed to be mopped so badly. BUT...hubby had meat smoking out back for dinner that day, it snowed, and our back door is in our kitchen. Which meant quite a few muddy tracks all day, no way around it. So why mop in the morning? I didn't want guests to see my dirty floors, but it was pretty counterproductive to mop. So I didn't because there was no point. (My former self would have mopped every single time it got dirty that day and would have spent Christmas mopping and being cranky at my husband for tracking mud in the house.) 

2. Control

So, I don't know if everyone in my life would agree that I gave up control....but I worked on it....so that's something, right? The thing is, I am good at planning and executing that plan. So, it's hard when things don't go according to plan, or when there doesn't seem to be a plan. I don't like flying by the seat of my pants, and I don't like when things are kind of up in the air until the day of. I like writing things down on my calendar and planning ahead. But, life happens, and well......people happen. I'm learning to deal with that. And trying to be flexible when last minute plans come into play, or people are like, "Hey, what are you doing tonight?" Or when the beautiful Pinterest craft you are making for gifts takes longer than you thought and doesn't turn out quite like the picture. Not that that happened. :) 

3. Expectations 

I have ideas of what I want the holidays to be like. I think it takes a while to adjust your expectations as an adult for what holidays and events in your own home will look like once you are a grown up. Yikes. I think it will be more fun when we have kids, and can start our own traditions. In the meantime it's like you are always basing your holiday on what everyone with kids is planning to do. Which is fine, it's just hard to let go of that desire to have things be special at your house, too. This year, I wanted to make freezer meals ahead of time so that we would be set for the week of Christmas. I wanted to have all my shopping and crafting done, and send out my boxes in time for people to receive gifts by Christmas morning. I wanted to bake and write out cards for my small group and mailman and landlord. Instead of baking, I actually just set my butter out to soften. For a week. Instead of prepping healthy freezer meals, we spent way too much ordering take out. Instead of mailing things ahead of time....well, those boxes are still in my foyer. I think adjusting expectations rolls up the control and perfection issues with it. 

 

                          

4. Saying Yes...

I don't have a huge issue with saying no. I am actually pretty good at it. I have struggled with depression before and part of the self care that I make a habit now is not filling my plate too incredibly full. It's just good mental maintenance. So, whereas I am okay at saying no to activities and events, and trying not to fill up my life too much, I can sometimes say yes to too much when it comes to my to do list. I already told you about all the things that I wanted to do during Christmas that I didn't get to- I do the same thing to myself when it comes to what I want to accomplish on any given day off. I fill my list with things I'd like to get done, and then I feel let down when I only get to one or two of them. It's still about expectations and perfection, I guess! So, this Christmas season, I tried to focus on saying yes to a reasonable amount of accomplishments, people, events, and Christmas items. I said no to sending Christmas cards, keeping my house sparkly clean, and piling too many obligatory events on our plates. I said no to stressing myself out, and decided that actually wanted to enjoy my time off of work! 

5. Saying No...

So what did I do throughout December? I have a pretty long list of what didn't get accomplished, and I kind of have a pet peeve about letting everything go to heck in the name of mental health. Maybe it's true sometimes, but it can also feel like a cop-out. Some things you can't get out of, and shouldn't try. And I do like things to be nice, and pretty and creative, and Pinterest-y. :)  So, I also did some "letting go of saying no." I took some time to evaluate and prioritize to see what I should say yes to this year. Here's what made the "yes" list:

• I didn't do Christmas cards for family and friends, but some of our church ladies and I took the time to write cards for girls in juvenile detention. I think they probably needed it more. And it was actually pretty tempting to say no, because we were asked kind of last minute, but it was the right decision. And we had a lot of fun getting together and doing it! Last year we made cards, and made a craft night out of it. This year, I decided we should forgo the extra work, and focus on our messages to the girls, and just spend the extra time praying over them instead of cleaning up glitter. Maybe next year we'll do more sparkle!
• I went to a Strip Church outreach for the first time on the Saturday before Christmas and  prayed for ladies going out to local strip clubs to brings gifts and share with the girls working that they are valuable and loved. Honestly? I needed to get a lot of other stuff done, along with the rest of the world that day. But that made me realize how lame commercialism is. I think things like this are what Jesus called "choosing the better part" when He was talking to Martha. It's all just....stuff. People are more important.
•  I was really present with my family and my husband's family. I am a behind the scenes kind of person. I like planning, and executing, and meeting needs. I like refilling the bowls and platters at parties. I don't actually care for the parties that much. But, like I said before, to be able to really spend time with others, you have to set yourself up for success. I didn't want to spend my time making the perfect dish or whatever. I wanted to sit, eat, enjoy, and interact. Big step for me. 
• I cleaned out my shed. Yep, that's lame, I know...but we got amazing and unusual weather the Sunday before Christmas and it really needed to be done. So, I put aside my shopping, wrapping, and crafting to get some fresh air and do some outdoor work. Which is pretty out of character for me! So that was me, living on the edge, throwing caution to the wind and doing yard work instead of Christmas crafts...Woohoo! In all seriousness, it feels good to me to be able to be flexible with stuff like that.

So, that kind of sums up my holidays....not super interesting, but I feel more relaxed at the end of them than I usually do! I'm planning to keep working toward letting the unimportant things go and focusing on what counts in the new year. But, also planning to get an earlier jump on those Christmas cards next year! How about you? What things keep you sane and on track during the holidays?

Elizabeth Bennett and the Virtuous Woman {Proverbs 31:10}

There's that scene in Pride and Prejudice where Lizzy, Darcy, and the Bingley siblings are in the drawing room talking about what things would qualify a woman as being "accomplished." I love it, because after the (ridiculous) list of attributes is finished, Lizzy says to Mr. Darcy, "I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any."

This is how I feel after reading the Proverbs 31 list of virtuous attributes! Indeed, her price, value, worth, scarcity, would be far above rubies. I rather wonder now at my knowing any.

So, as we dig into these women of the Bible that define the modern day pursuit of "Biblical Womanhood," we may as well begin by defining the word that is so highly expected of us.

Virtuous- conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright

 

So.....a "goody-two shoes?" (Whatever that actually means...it's kind of a weird phrase.) Someone who is the "right" kind of girl, or a "good girl?"

 

Does it mean someone who never does anything bad, or pretty much has this good, Christian girl thing down pat? Someone who paints tables and is well versed in reading and writing? (The accomplished woman from Jane Austen's novels?)

 

My knee jerk reaction is to conjure up images of the sweetest little pastor's wife you ever did see when I think of the words "moral" and "upright."

 

But when really meditating on what would make someone moral and ethical, I think more along the lines of ethics in business, good politics, poverty alleviation, and awareness of the exploitation of vulnerable groups. I think of ways that I believe Christians should conduct themselves. I don't know about you, but for me that means having good character. It means doing what you say you will do, and not trying to "pull one over" or "step on" anybody to get ahead. It means business deals being on the up and up. It means blowing the whistle if you see corruption in your work place. It means not tolerating the exploitation of workers at home or abroad, where it is in your power to do something. It means being trustworthy. It means striving to be a Christian who doesn't make people want to vomit because of your general hypocrisy. It means being transparent. It means being a person that reflects the attractiveness of Jesus.

 

And this can be hard work. Because people know when other people are being real. Are you morally upright, or do you act that way on Sunday morning? Are you open about your struggles and your victories, or are you striving to be seen as the "good church girl," or as "wife material?" Are you living it or acting it?

 

What are the things in your life that you believe would qualify you as being a virtuous woman? Is it how often you attend church? Is it how busy you are "for God?" Or is it deeper than that?

 

Honestly, it is super easy to become a good church person. It becomes routine. You (and I) become lazy. Are we doing a bunch of bad things? Nah. Am I generally a moral person? Yes, I would say so. But am I daily striving to become a woman of virtue? Well.....occasionally. But mostly I rely on the fact that I am not doing bad or socially unacceptable things. I am fairly emotionally healthy, I go to work, I do a good job there, I don't steal, I don't do drugs or drink excessively. I have never killed anyone. You know, basic "my good outweighs my bad" type stuff.

 

However, we know that we are called to more. God calls all of our self-achieved righteousness "filthy rags!" So, that morally good rut that we are in all too often.....well, it has to go.

 

The virtue of Jesus was counter-cultural. It was radical and based in grace. It was not the things He did, but Who He was. That's what we need, too. We not only need to be covered in His righteousness, but to also examine the lives we live. Is it the day in, day out, churchy routine? Or are we radically changing our lives and actions to align with the virtues and principles that Jesus taught? Things like caring for the sick and poor and weak? Things like giving and alleviating and bringing hope?

 

This virtue calls for us to lay down our lives--our comfortable, church-going, seemingly good and morally upright lives--and then take it further, examining what we think and believe and asking, "Is this virtuous? Is this moral and ethical? Is this excellent and upright?"

 

Truly virtuous people are rare. Their price is far above rubies. I rather wonder now at my knowing any.

 

I am striving to be more aware of real virtue in my life. It has little to do with whether or not I am a good homemaker, or a good cook. I do not need to be great "wife material," for many are called to singleness. I do not need to be incredibly resourceful, or talented. Yes, God gives many of these things as gifts, but they do not create virtue. Virtue is so much more. It is living what you say you believe about who Jesus is. It is going against the grain and really living out your faith. It is choosing the ethical thing even when it is not the popular thing. It is hard work. It is sacrifice. And it has great value.